


Him

by twdtrashfiction



Series: Him [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 28,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7347997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdtrashfiction/pseuds/twdtrashfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merle Dixon was a rough character inside and out but the forbidden-ness drew her closer and closer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Him (Part One)

It’s been months since I’ve seen his face. Month’s since I have playfully slapped his face or shoulder. Months since I have wanted to ring his small minded neck. A long time since I have lectured and screamed in his face. I never knew how much I would miss him. His dirt blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, and that raspy voice that went straight to my loins. I use to hate him. Starting back when I first met him after moving in with a friend, his cousin, Victoria. 

We lost our apartment. Dickhead landlord sold it to his daughter. It was the place of our dreams and it got ripped away from us. It was in a small town, but we loved our jobs. It was perfect. Perfect until we had nowhere to live. There weren’t big apartment complexes here, not many people rented rooms or homes due to the smallness of the town. In plain terms, we were fucked. We argued for days. Our arguments were slim to none in the previous months. We were close, but things change when you’re about to be homeless.

Victoria, whom we call Toria for short, didn’t speak to that side of her family. She said they were all redneck trash and meth-heads. Didn’t speak to them, but they lived less than 15 minutes from us and we saw them at least twice a week in passing. I met the two cousins a couple of times at this hole in the wall, yet popular, bar. She refused to let me speak to the eldest. Went as far as telling me that I even looked at him she would smack me. The youngest wasn’t off limits, but conversation was never made, nor was eye contact; he was the quiet type and a little awkward to say the least. They had terrible parents, both dead, and horrifying childhoods. It’s no wonder the older one ended up the way he has.

About six months after living in the town we were finally settled and Toria just got a promotion (She worked for her father) so we decided to go out and celebrate at the bar. The bartender knew us by name, and made sure we were always taken care of. We were sitting in a corner booth by ourselves giggling and talking silly things we didn’t say in our professional, everyday lives when two drinks were brought to our table by the bartender, James. “Oh, we still have drinks and these will be our last, thanks though.” I stuttered between little laughs. “I know, but these are complimentary of a gentleman in the room.” James yelled in my ear before he walked away. I looked at Toria with a raised and confused eyebrow and winked. “Well, who could the handsome gentleman be?” Again, stuttering between giggles. “We’ve been here for three hours and I haven’t landed my eyes on one male species that looks relatively close to gentleman.” Toria snarled as she shoved the drink away. Before I could leave her with a snarky response the dirty blonde squeezed next to Toria and smirked at us. “Well, well, well, I knew I could force you to talk to me someday little cousin.” He says matter-of-factly. “Oh fuck off junkie” Toria snaps. “Oh come on, give him the time of day for once. Maybe it’s important.” I said sweetly to her. “That’s right, you should listen to this pretty thing… What’s your name sweetheart?” He asks in a smooth tone. “_______, and you are…shit, I don’t think Toria has ever told me your name, or your brother’s.” “I’m Merle and that little shit over there” Merle points, “is Daryl.” He says following by a sip of his, what looks to be, whiskey. Toria stands up abruptly, grabs my arm and drags me outside towards the car.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” I yell at her. “We’re going home.” She mumbles. “Why?” I asked in a confused tone. “GET. IN. THE. CAR. NOW!” “I’m not going anywhere until you calm down and explain what the fuck your problem is.” “I told you not to speak to him. We’ll talk about it at home.” That was the last she said until we walked through the front door of our home.

That night she gave me a long lecture about how he was just trying to get in my pants, he’s a drug addict, trash, and I have no business speaking to him. And I didn’t…for a while.


	2. Him (Part Two)

It was like after that night I kept seeing him everywhere and he would always wink at me. One night, after a bad day, a coworker and I went to have a drink. We drank our bad day away and drowned our sorrows until a biker from out of state flirted enough with my coworker to take her home. I stayed behind to attempt to sober up enough to walk across town. Ugh, why did I drink this much.

“Where’s your sidekick?” A man asks in my ear as he lays his hand on my back. I lift my head and turn to look up. “Hey Merle! Uh, she’s not here. I’m with, or was with a coworker.” “You should come sit with me and my friends. Get to know each other.” He insists. I didn’t even think about protesting. I just got up and followed him over to their table. He shoved his friend and told him to move. Merle sat down and pulled me down with him. “This is ____, Toria’s roommate.” Merle yells to the group. Daryl nods, everyone else mumbles and yells hey. I managed to stutter what I think was a “hello.” “So, sweet thing, tell me about yourself.” Before I could answer my phone starts ringing. It’s Toria. “Hey, what’s up?” I answered. “Where are you? You’ve been there forever. Just making sure you’re okay.” Toria says in a concerning tone. She always had this protectiveness over me. “I’m fine, just attempting to sober up so I can get back home. I’m probably gonna have to leave my car here and walk. I drank more than I expected.” I slurred. “No! Don’t walk. I’m on my way, stay there!” She hangs up. “Hey, I hate to skip out, but Toria is coming to pick me up. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” I say, directed towards Merle. “I’ll walk you out.” He replies. “No, no. It’s fine. She’ll be here any minute.” He knows exactly what that means.

We didn’t talk much after that. He ignored me after that. I think I offended him or something or the other. Shortly after that night was when we got the two week notice that our house had been sold and we had two weeks to move out. The landlord didn’t even have the decency to tell us to our faces. We were devastated and perplexed. What in the hell were we going to do? The nearest city with a place to live was an hour drive. That would not work out well considering our jobs were in this town.

“You know, Merle is going away for a good while. Maybe you should talk to Daryl. You might be able to stay there until you can find a permanent place. The house has more than enough room for you two.” Victoria’s dad tried to convince us. Or convince Victoria for that matter. I was sold. I was ready to march up that hill and beg and plead. “No. What would that do for our reputation? We would be categorized with the Dixon’s!” Victoria half yelled. “You are a Dixon.” I said annoyed. “But I’m one of the good Dixon’s.” She retorted. “Get over yourself for the love of God. Step off of your high horse! We. Are. Homeless!” I screamed on the verge of tears. “You have turned down all of our options. This is it! We have to do this!” That was the end of that. She caved in. The fighting between us became too much and she promised we would do what we had to do.

“There’sa room for each of ya down the hallway.” Daryl said as we lugged boxes into the house. “We can’t thank you enough Daryl. You save our asses. If you need us to do anything just ask.”I said genuinely. “It’s good. Merle’s gone. Plenty a room for ya. Won’t even know yer here.” He replied. “What’s he going away for this time anyway?” Victoria asked in a half caring voice. “Drugs n theft.” Daryl moped. “Good, he will be gone for a while.” I kept my mouth shut.


	3. Him (Part Three)

Turns out he was going away for that long. Somehow. He was gone for about 6 months. We were supposed to be gone by then. Or that was the plan, but we nested. We left our marks in that house and decided to stay without even trying or thinking about it.

Merle came home and to his surprise, here we were, two girls living in his home. He threw a hissy fit, but eventually calmed down and never said much after that. I think he ended up liking it. We had a different opinion.

I was and am, the sweet and tolerable one. Victoria was the irritable and, frankly, the mean one. I could put up with anyone and anything. Or so I thought. Until I had to live with Merle Dixon. He got on my every last nerve. The man acted like I was his maid. “Go get me a beer” and “Hey while you’re at it, grab one for my friends too.” Not just that, but all the women all the time. Every night it was a different girl. Most half his age, but they all looked older than he. Rode hard and put away wet as my grandmother would say. They were disgusting. We had to lock the bathroom that Victoria and I used because of the messes those girls would leave. The first and the last time one went in there I cleaned the place with pure bleach for two days.

Drugs. I have always been familiar with drugs. I know the names and general information. I’ve seen how people shoot up and snort and pop pills. But I have never seen someone do it the way Merle does, and he drinks on top of it. It’s amazing he hasn’t died yet.

Speaking of Merle dying, here’s a fun story. One morning I was leaving for work. He and a couple of his men had been partying all night and when I left at 6am they were still going hard at it. When I came home at 5pm the place was quiet, but the bikes of everyone was still there. I didn’t think much of it; they often crash there for days. When I tried to open the front door and hit something hard. Turns out it was someone’s head. Oops. He just groaned and rolled over. He deserved it. He was a creep, but that’s another story. So I walked into the kitchen and all I see are broken whiskey bottles and syringes on the counter. “You have got to be FUCKING kidding me!” I screamed. Victoria came out and followed me as I marched towards Merle’s room. I waltzed in his bedroom and smacked him across the head. He didn’t budge. So I threw a shoe at him. Still nothing. I roll him over and his face was damn near white as paper. “Merle. Merle. Shit Victoria call 911!” “Are you sure, maybe he’s just passed out?” “No, Tori, he’s not breathing.” I have never been in a panic like that in my life. Daryl came running in shouting not to call 911 he’ll handle it. He shoved his fingers down merle’s throat until he vomited profusely. Daryl said this happens every once in a while when he’s trying to avoid his problems. Since when do people overdose to avoid their problems?

I put on gloves, cleaned the house, kicked the two douchebags out, and put groceries in the refrigerator for the first time in weeks. I remember checking on him multiple times in the night pissed off. I didn’t have to, but I did and for whatever reason I was mad at myself for it. He made me so angry and I often wanted to kill him myself at times, but I never wanted him to actually die.


	4. Him (Part Four)

Much to mine and Victoria’s surprise, the house stayed moderately clean and most of the annoyance with Merle subsided. He got thrown in jail a couple of times, I bitched to him about it, he yelled at me to stop nagging, I didn’t, and our personal little cycle went on. Daryl went hunting a lot, stayed quiet, and helped around the house quite a bit. Daryl always made a point to clean up after himself, which I appreciated greatly since Victoria was almost never home due to her busy work and that left me to do the chores.

A hot summer night Merle and his crew were drinking in the living room and Victoria and I were drinking bottles of wine in the kitchen. It was the weekend and we both had it off. No work to do at home, nowhere to go, so we decided to have fun.

Remember the guy I hit in the head with the door? Well, he got his ass kicked that night after he groped me and tried to push me into my bedroom. He got his ass kicked and when he got knocked out he was thrown out into the driveway. Merle had this thing, you didn’t touch women in a way they didn’t want to be. Victoria said that had to with the way his father abused his mother and that he couldn’t stand that kind of thing.

Two bottles of wine each and Victoria and I were close to trashed. I was still coherent, but she wasn’t. Toria went and crashed in bed; I tried to go to bed, but someone apparently beat me to it and decided to sleep in my beautiful comforter. Ugh. Merle was drinking and gambling int the living room and I figured he would end up passing out on the floor in there. My drunk brain thought it would be a good idea to go sleep in his room. So I did. I went in his room that was right off of the kitchen, slipped off my pants, and crawled into the bed. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

At about 4am I rolled over into a warm body and started to embrace the security and warmth. It took me a few seconds before I realized what I was doing and that the person I was doing it to was Merle. “Shit!” I said as I pushed away and started to climb out of bed. He wrapped his long arm around my waist and pulled me back into the bed. “Where you goin?” He asked in that gravelly voice. “Sorry, I didn’t think you were coming to bed. I’m sorry I’m going.” He laughed and slid my back up against him. “Yer fine. Come back.” “I shouldn’t. I’ll go crash in Tori’s bed.” “She’s fuckin Joel. You don’t wanna go in there.” Again, he pulled me against him, but this time I didn’t budge.

His hand made its rounds up and down the length of my body until finally he settled in around me just under my breasts. I could feel his hot breath against the back of my neck and with that I arched my back just enough that my butt grazed his front. He pushed forward a little and pulled my hair back enough so that he could leave light kisses on the back and side of my neck. I turned around so that I was facing him and with that his lips came crashing down on mine. He slowly pushed me onto my back and held himself above me and he started kissing and biting at my neck. I let out a soft moan as he sucked on that special spot and let my hands travel up his arms. By now he was pushing his groin again me so that I feel him getting harder by the second. I put my hand on his back and tightened my thighs that were up against the sides of his waist to pull him closer. Holding himself up on one arm he started to palm at my breast. “Damn baby yer tits are nice.” All I could do was giggle as I kissed him forcefully. Just about the time my hand strayed towards his crotch, and just at the moment my hand gripped at the hardness in his pants A loud, blood curdling scream and a barely understandable “MERLE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!” came from outside the bedroom in what sounded like the entry way of the house.


	5. Him (Part Five)

I jolted up against him as the scream of a woman curdled through my body. “Oh for fucks sake.” Merle muttered. “Who is that?! Shouldn’t you be going to figure out what the hell is going on?” I said in half concerned, half pissed tone. “I probly should, but it don’t mean I am.” “Really? You don’t want to find out who is screaming in your house?” “I know who it is and I don’t care too much to find out why she’s here.” He said as he finally rolled off of me when I shoved him roughly in his shoulder. Just as I was about to reply the door flies open and the silhouette of a woman is standing in the frame. 

“OH, so that’s why you haven’t been bringing me around? Fuckin this whore, uh? Who the fuck are you ya little bitch, fuckin a man that ain’t yours?” She said this as more of a statement than a question. “Now now hunny, this ain’t none yer business.” Merle said with a more calm tone than he probably should have. “None my business? None of my FUCKING business?” She chuckles. “I shoulda known you couldn’t be faithful. That’s not you. Always gotta be screwin something half your age.” 

Their banter continues as I attempt to figure out how the hell I’m going to get myself out of this one. God damnit Victoria, why do you always have to be right? Just about the time my panic started setting in Daryl comes in. ‘Thank god’ I thought. 

“Jess, Victoria’s beggingfor ya. I think she’s hurt er sick er somethin’.” I was up and out of that bad with my pants in my hand faster than either Merle or the mystery woman could process it. I knew he was lying, but I had to make it seem like I was actually concerned. 

Daryl took me out back to hide. “Well, that couldn’t have gone any worse.” I said. “She coulda socked ya in the mouth like she did to another girl at the bar the other night.” Daryl said as he shifted to sit on the back porch with me. “What? Who is she? And why does she act like she owns him?” “She’s his not girlfriend, girlfriend if that makes sense.” I looked at him puzzled. “It doesn’t, Daryl.” He sighed and finally said “They ain’t together, they just screw ‘round. But she thinks they are together…er somethin’.”

Merle came bursting through the back door cussing up one side and down the other. Saying something like “The nerve of that bitch” and “Fuckin blue balls killin me” as he punched the siding of the house and threw some object across the back yard into the woods.

“You need to take a chill pill, Merle.” I said sternly. “Shut the fuck up.” He looked directly at me as he said it with a look so cold it sent fear front my toes through my stomach and almost out my mouth. Normally I would be pissed, but something in him was different and I wasn’t about to challenge that. I knew when to step away. 

Without another word I got up, opened the door, went straight to my room, literally kicked the man in my bed out, locked my door and shut the lights off. I can’t explain how I felt. Part of me was angry. Another part was scared. Another was nervous, and the other just wanted to sleep and pretend it didn’t happen. That was the part that won. I went to sleep and I didn’t speak to him for days. I didn’t even look at him. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t. How do you come back from that? Smacking me across the face would have been easier to deal with than that look and those words laced with that tone.


	6. Him (Part Six)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short. I'm sorry, but it was more of a filler chapter to fill in the in between time. If that makes sense.

I should have listened. I should have never slept in his bed. I should have never played with the fire. I should have known. I am smarter than this. And I sure as shit should not be upset about this because it’s my own fault. But it still hurts. I shouldn’t have avoided him. Fuck.

I knew I heard ruckus coming from his bedroom the past couple of weeks but I chose to ignore it. Deny that he was doing that. Forget that he had only tried to use me because I was convenient. I walked past and into my room every night after work. Until one night I walked through the front door and she was on her knees and his face was pure bliss in the living room and the next time a couple days later when they were splayed on the kitchen counter and she was screaming his name while her nails drug across his back. 

It could have been anyone, but no, it was the same girl that evaded our space many nights before. It was almost as if they were trying to rub it in my face and make me come to terms with the fact that I was yesterdays meat. 

After the night in the kitchen I kept thinking ‘Two can play at that game.’ But I always ended up deciding that I was classier than that. I decided to submerge myself in work and throw everything else to the wind.

Victoria knew something was off. She kept asking. I kept wondering how the hell she slept through the commotion that night. She must have been really drunk. I told her every time she asked that I was “just tired of his arrogance and sloppiness.” But she knew. She had to have known it was more than that. My best friend knew me well but she also knew that prying would only push me away. Time and space would eventually drag it out of me. 

Daryl told me he was going to kick his ass if I didn’t. “It’s not worth it Daryl. I have many more important things to deal with rather than deal with the stupid shit that Merle conjures up. Okay? Just drop it.” That was the end of that conversation. He had opened his mouth to say something, but I think the look on my face was enough to tell him that if he didn’t drop it, I was going to blow a gasket. 

Merle went back to being coy with me. Thinking he could ask me for favors and/or order me around, pat me on the back, and disgusting flirting all the while he was screwing a girl down the hall. 

I finally realized I was being ridiculous and that I was mourning over this as if it were something serious. “Pull your shit together, first name.” And that is exactly what I did. I pulled my big girl panties on and ended up flirting with the bartender, which led to us going out on a date. For the first time in awhile, I was excited to go out with someone.


	7. Him (Part 7)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, these chapters are really taking off. I had no idea I needed/wanted to write all of this. Let the creativity flooooooww.

James. The nice bartender. I always thought his was attractive, but never thought it would go this far. Hell, I never even thought we would flirt or go on a date. But, here we are sitting in a nice restaurant getting ready to go to a movie. 

“You have really outdone yourself, James.” I say as I look around the brick restaurant with crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. This place was a little over the top, but I appreciate the fact that he thought I was worthy enough for a place like this, even if it meant I felt way out of place. “Oh, it’s nothing. I just thought your eyes would look pretty with these chandeliers.” He smirked. “Please, save the cheesy lines. I promise, you do not need them.” I laughed as I took a sip of my drink.

“What do you say we skip the crappy movie and go walk around the city. You said you haven’t seen much of it, and I am expert, considering I grew up here.” James says as we are walking out of the restaurant giggling about some terrible joke I made that he thought was just the funniest thing. “As long as you have me back home at a reasonable time.” I responded jokingly. “Oh, of course dear. I wouldn’t want the poor Dixon’s and Victoria becoming worried about you, after all.” Saarcastically rolling his eyes while opening the car door for me. “Okay, cut the chivalry jerk. By the way, you do realize Victoria’s last name is Dixon, right?” “What?! No, she never mentioned. Man, she really is embarrassed of that last name.” “Uh huh.” I replied getting in the car. I didn’t really want to think about that name either. 

Walking around the sitting wound us getting lost and having to have a cop help us back to the street we parked on. I kept making jokes about him being an “expert on the city, huh?” the whole way home which led to playful hits and him yelling “Leave me alone, you ass.” Followed by laughing. 

“You wanna come back to my place?” He asked. “I have a better idea. How about you come back to my place. It’s awfully pretty.” I said a little too demanding, though he didn’t seem to mind considering he joyfully accepted.

We started out with a glass of wine in the kitchen. Everyone was asleep.;It was nearing 4:30am. A glass of wine led to light kissing and tthen to heated kissing and then to drunk kissing and the next thing I know my dress in being pushed off, I’m clawing at his belt and his hand is needing my breasts…on the kitchen floor. 

“Wait, wait, wait, James. Not here. Other people live here.” Heavily breathing and stuttering as my words come out. “It’s Saturday and they are sleeping. I don’t know if I can walk to your room.” “Too bad.” I say as I drag him up and pull him to my room.”

Loud moans escaped my mouth, curses being made under his breath, hands pushing up my sides, bites being left on both of our shoulders and necks, all the while deep thrusting until the nearing of orgasm. “James. Fuck. Shit. Right there. Don’t stop. Please. Uuuuunnnnngh” The last thing that came out of my mouth was a very loud “James!” and with my own orgasm, he was right behind me and his head crashed into my neck. We lay there until I found enough energy to get up and walk to the bathroom. 

As soon as I opened my door I nearly ran straight into Merle. “Jesus fucking Christ!” I exclaimed as I smacked him for scaring the shit out of me. “What the hell?!” He yelled at me. “You scared me half to death. Why are you standing outside my door?” “I wasn’t standin’ outside yer door, princess. I was comin in from outside. Don’t flatter yerself. I don’t care to hear you moaning while that piece a shit nails ya.” He says making sure to annunciate specific words. “I could say the same to you asshole.” He knows that I’m referring to his rendezvous with that woman and he didn’t say a single word. I pushed past him and went into the bathroom. 

‘Princess” Oh god. That sounded a little to good coming from his mouth in that gravel and whiskey soaked voice. “Stop. Stop no. You just had sex with another man you cannot be thinking like that.” I whispered to myself in the mirror. I peed and I got up and walked straight back to my room where James lay under the covers fully awake waiting for me. 

“Was that Merle?” He asked. His tone seemed really odd. “Yeah. He was coming inside and down the hall as soon as I walked out the door. I ran into him and it was dark. He just scared me.” I replied nonchalantly. He acted as if he were going to say something more but only replied with a “Huh.” And then got out of bed and began getting dressed. “You’re welcome to stay if you’re tired. I won’t bite.” I let a nervous chuckle. “Nah, I better get home.” He didn’t even crack a smile. Slipping on his shirt he walked past me and to the door. “Uh, goodbye?” I said as I got the kitchen and he had the door halfway open. “Bye ______.” He didn’t even look at me when he said it; he just shut the door and left.

I had to have been standing there for ten minutes struck with confusion before Merle spoke up. “That didn’t seem good.” I glared at him. “No shit, Sherlock.” I let out a huff and started to turn on my heel when he said “Ey now, no needta be sour. Wanna hug?” He started to laugh as he took a sip straight out of the whiskey bottle. “Isn’t a little early to be drinking?” was all I could say. I so badly wanted to say ‘fuck you’ or 'fuck right off’ or ‘yeah I do.’ But that’s all my energy could muster up before my heart sank and slid into my room.


	8. Him (Part Eight)

“Get uuuuup it’s Saturday. Lets do something fun.” Victoria says as she bounces on my bed trying to get me up. “Seriously. Quit moping. Fuck James. You can do better anyways. Now lets get you a pick me up and do something fun!” My head popped up fast with wide eyes. “How do know about James? What do you know about James?” I quizzed her. “Merle told me everything. How he walked out and treated you worse than a one night stand. Get. Your. Pretty. Ass. Up.” She shook me a little. “Ugh. Fine I’m getting up but I need to shower. What are we doing?” 

“Wanna go out with Shane? He called. Said he’s off tonight and wants us to meet his new coworker and long time friend Rick. He wants to go to the bar, though. You okay with that? If not we can totally do something else or talk them into somewhere else.” She looked at me like she felt sorry for even asking. “No. Lets go. Fuck him. He can’t keep me from going places just cause he works there.” I said proudly. “That’s my girl!” Victoria shouted and ran off to her room to get ready.

James spotted as soon as I walked into the bar, but I didn’t so much as make eye contact with him. We found Shane and his friend Rick and sat across from them at a round table in the corner. 

“You ladies look fine! This is my friend Rick. He’s the new Sheriff in town.” Shane exclaimed. Shane’s an ass and you can only take so much of him in a small time frame, but he works a lot so when we finally get to see him it isn’t bad. 

Rick told us about his wife Lori and his son Carl and how he ended up here. He sounds to have a nice family and his and Shane’s stories about old times nearly killed us with laughter. Shane bought us a round of drinks and then afterwards they decided to go home. Shane had to work the next day and so did Rick so when 11:30pm rolled around we completely understood. 

“Oh man. I’m so glad you drug me out. They are hilarious.” I laughed. “Right? I think I like Shane better with Rick. He’s in a much better mood with him.” Victoria said as she moved to the other side of the table so that we could face one another. 

“As if living with them isn’t bad enough, they always manage to show up where we are.” I said sarcastically as Merle and Daryl walked in. “Merle seems to think James got pissed about your and he’s encounter in the hallway last night and that’s what set him off.” Vitoria explained. “What? That doesn’t even make sense. What about it would have pissed him off? We ran into one another and bickered like we always do. Nothing new.” I bitched. “Maybe that was exactly it. He doesn’t like your bickering because it’s laced with some undertones.” I squinted my face “Some undertones? What do you mean?” She rolled her eyes at me “Sexual tension you idiot. Lets go sit with them. Cozy up with Merle. We’ll perform an experiment. If James gets irritated we know that’s what it was about.” I leaned across the table “Uhm, I thought you didn’t like me with Merle?” She gets up “I don’t. But you aren’t going to listen to me anyway. You two already almost hooked up. There’s no stopping you now.”

“How do you know about that? Hey! Come back!” I yelled as I followed her to the table. “I know because Daryl told me what happened and about the crazy woman. You wouldn’t tell me and I was worried. Don’t worry, I’m not mad.” Victoria looks at the group of men “Mind if we take a seat gentlemen? We’re a little lonely sitting over there by ourselves.” She bats her eyes. “Sit on down sweet things.” Joel coos. Victoria scoots up next to Joel and I next to Merle. As I sit down Merle slides his arm behind me up on the back of the wall/booth and rests his wrist on my shoulder. 

Leaning over to my ear “I was wonderin’ when you’d come back around.” He winked and wrapped arm around my shoulder to pull me closer to him. I didn’t object, just gave a half smile and relaxed into my seat and his side.


	9. Him (Part Nine)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting into the good stuuuuuff.

I was far too comfortable and I didn’t care. Not a single bit. It felt good. I hadn’t laughed this hard in months. I couldn’t even take into view my surroundings. All I knew was the arm wrapped around me felt natural and the people next to me were genuine. 

“Hey _____, come with me.” Victoria mouthed to me. I slid out of Merl’s arm and got up to follow her to the restroom. “Sorry, but if I laugh one more time I’m going to have urine dripping down my leg.” Victoria said as she burst into a stall barely waiting to close the door before pulling her skirt up. “Haha, no I understand I have to pee too. Like bad.” I hiccupped as I spoke. “So, you and Merle are pretty cozy and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you look pretty good….Oh I’m going to get sick thinking about it.” “No, you’re going to get sick because you’ve down 4 shots and a plate of French fries.” I insisted. “But, yeah. It actually feels like it should be that way.”

We walked out of the restroom and into the main room. “Hey, I’m gonna tab out. I can’t drink anymore.” I said. “I’ll come with you. Mr. grump ass doesn’t seem to cheery.” Victoria spewed in a nasty voice. 

“Hey, sorry to bother. I just need to tab out real quick. Oh, and so does she.” I waved to James as I spoke. “Okay.” Was all he said. He quickly brought us our cards and receipt back to sign. “Allllright. Here ya go.” I said with a smile to him. “Have fun with your junkie boyfriend.” He snapped at me. “Excuse me? What did you just say?” I turned on my heel with a look that could kill. “_______, no. Don’t. He’s not worth it. Lets go. Fuck you James. At least he doesn’t fuck her and walk out without saying goodbye.” He laughed with a smart ass look on his face and said “I can’t wait for the day he beats her just like his dad did to women.” 

That was it. I lost it. I damn near went over counter had it not been for someone pulling me around the waist. “Don’t you EVER compare him to that piece of shit! You have no right!” I slipped out of the man’s hold and slapped James across the face as hard as I possibly could.

Daryl was behind me and pulling me away before I could do or say anything else. Truth is, that was it. I wasn’t going to anything else but leave. 

“Get her out. All of you get out or I’m calling the owner and the cops.” James yelled to Daryl and our group. “Don’t worry. Toria already has the owner on the phone and he ain’t to happy with your comments and provoking.” Joel screamed. 

“What the shit was thatabout?” One of the men asked me. Daryl was still next to me making sure I was stable and not going to hurt anyone else. “What’d he say to ya?” Daryl asked me concerned and curious. I don’t get mad. Not like that. I don’t hit people. I walk away. This was completely out of the norm. “Nothing. I want to go home.” I looked at Victoria with tears forming in my eyes.

“Lets go. We’ll talk about it later.” Victoria said as she put her hand on my back and walked to our car. Merle stood, asking Daryl what happened before he saw that we were leaving.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I know it's ben awhile, but I've been in California the past couple of weeks so I wasn't able to write.   
> No worries though! I back at it and writing again!

The car ride home was silent. Victoria looked like she was going to say something a couple of times but opted on remaining non-verbal. I stared out the window; anger still pulsing through my veins. 

“How did they make it back before us?” Victoria questioned as she motioned to Merle and Daryl on the front porch of our home. 

“I don’t want to talk to them about it. I just need to go calm down.” I spat. 

“You have to talk about it at some point. At least to me because quite honestly, I don’t know why you got that upset.” 

Victoria was starting fume. I could see it in her eyes. She was mad at me. 

“Violence ain’t the answer.” Merle taunted as I walked up to the door. I didn’t respond. I walked straight through the door and slammed it on my way in. 

“The hell is wrong with her?” Joel questioned Victoria. 

“James said some shit that apparently struck a nerve deep down in her so she smacked him across the face. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, but what he said didn’t have much to do with her, nor should it have pissed her off that bad.” Victoria rolled her sentence off with a sigh while rubbing her forehead. 

“ I don’t know. I’m going to force it out of her.” No one responded to her last remark so this is what she left them with.

“I was too drunk and I reacted badly. Lets drop it please.” I said as I lye on my bed, hands rubbing my eyes. 

“No. What happened was you being protective. Do you know why you were protective?” She didn’t give me the option to respond. “You were protective because you’re attaching yourself to him. Too quickly might I add.”

“Are you not the one who just said we fit well together? Now you’re telling me not to get attached?” I said bitterly. 

Apparently my statement pissed her off because she walked out of my room, and shut my door with no response. 

….

“Hi!” A cheery voiced chirped at me as I groggily walked into the kitchen. 

“Hi?” I questioned to the blonde in nothing but a T-shirt and boy short panties.

“Oh! I’m Candy! Sorry, I always forget to do that.” She mumbled that last part. 

“Forget to introduce yourself to the stranger whom lived in the home you are standing in half naked?” Looking back, the look I had on my face as I said this probably wasn’t too inviting. 

“So, Candy. Why are you half naked in my kitchen?” Again, I really could have been more inviting. 

“Merle’s still sleeping so I thought I would come out here. I couldn’t sleep any longer.” She muttered with a little anxiety in her voice. 

“You’re with Merle?” Everything in me was hoping I heard the wrong name. “Uh huh!” 

My head spun. I was pissed. No. I was on fire. I spun around so fast. I had to get out, but instead I ran smack into Daryl. 

“Where’er you goin?” He asked. 

“Out. I need space. I mean air. I need to get some air. Now.” He knew that meant something so instead of going in the kitchen he turned to follow me.

“Slow down. What the hell?” Daryl leaned against the back door.

“I don’t need to talk, Daryl. I need air.” Words coming out a little too aggressive.

“Ah, Candy piss ya off?” 

I looked him straight in the face. My expression softening.

“Told em he shouldn’tna done that. But he didn’t listen.”

“I’m going out today.” That’s all I could say. I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. Victoria was right. I got too attached. Fuck.

…..

I put on my makeup, put on jeans that fit me just right and a simple white v-neck, and fixed my hair. I didn’t know where I was going but I couldn’t be there. As I walked into the kitchen Merle had his arms wrapped around Candy kissing her neck as she giggled. God her laugh was obnoxious as hell.

Slipping on my shoes Merle calls out to me. 

“Where ya goin’ princess?”

“None of your business.” I said monotone attempting to not reveal my anger towards him.

“Oo hoo ooo. Somebody got a bad taste in er mouth. Come here and let me sweeten ya up.” He knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted me mad.

“Why don’t you fuck your blonde bimbo, snort a line of coke and leave me the fuck alone you ass.” Today really was not the day to piss me off.

“Look, if ya wanted ta be her maybe ya shouldn’tna ran off to yer room last night.”

“Trust me, I have no desire for you to be the one between my legs.” That was a lie. A big fat one. I’m a little ashamed of how bad I wanted him between my legs. How often I thought about it. But he didn’t need to know that. Not now. Not after he played me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking back now this was a damn screwed up situation and in all honesty, I should have ran. Ran far away and said fuck him because I wouldn’t be in the situation I am had I not let myself fall in love with a man as fucked up as him. One that when he's gone all you can think about is him. Day and night. Minute by minute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently realized that when I started this series I only intended for it to be about 3-4 chapters.... Whoops. Looky there, my fingers won't quit typing.

“Thank you so much for meeting with me last minute. I needed to get out of that house quick and talk to someone but I feel like you’re the only person I can talk to about this. Victoria gets so shitty. She doesn’t even think about it she just comes out with negativity draining from her pores.” I say to the lovely lady across from me.

“No problem, love. I needed a strong cup of coffee anyway. I feel like I’ve been cooped up in the house with three boy children too long. I haven’t enjoyed a day to myself in a long time.” She smiled.

“Three? You only have two. Wait, did I forget about one?” I said with slight panic in my voice.

“Oh, no. I’m including my husband. He might as well be a child. Love him to death, but he does not help with the discipline of those kids.”

“Aren’t men usually good at that kind of thing?” before she could answer I continued. “Oh wait, I forgot who you were married to for a minute. Never mind.” 

Laughing she replied “Met him twice and you already know he’s kind of a wimp/man child.”

We laughed together for a moment until our names were called out at the counter. We grabbed our coffee and opted to sit outside. The day was warm, but underneath the umbrella of the table it was comfortable with a light breeze and we weren’t about to pass on the beautiful southern sunshine. 

“Alright, down to business.” She set her coffee down and looked at me before she continued. “First off, Victoria is the biggest negative Nancy I have ever met. Second of all, she has zero rights to judge someone on relationships. She hasn’t been in one since she was 19. She screws people, she doesn’t know a damn thing about feelings for other human beings.”

“While this is true, and I often argue that myself, he is her cousin and that is what keeps getting me. I feel as if she knows him enough to have the right to judge.”

“Fair enough, but she doesn’t. She just started acknowledging him when you two moved in with them. Before that, before you, if either Merle or Daryl said hello out in public she acted as if they were homeless begging for drugs and money. It’s a wonder they had the heart to let her into their home. I sure as hell wouldn’t have if someone treated me the way she did them; family or not she did them wrong.” She argued.

“Why did they let us move in then? If she was awful to them?” I questioned.

“Daryl will never admit it to anyone but himself, and Merle won’t even admit it to himself, but they both want family. They both had a fucked up childhood and adult hood and that’s what it stems from. Merle had a little taste of love from his mother that gave him the want for it and Daryl never had anyone but Merle and regardless of how badly Merle raised him, he did raise him and he does love him, so now Daryl wants a real family.”

“Yeah, I can see that. But still.” Before I could open my mouth she pointed a finger at me.

“But nothin’. They wanted to have family and they took the opportunity, er, well, Daryl did and Merle had to comply because it was done too late by the time he came back into the picture. Plus, a pretty woman was living in his house that was related to him in any way.”

“That was a shock on his face and mine. The first time I came out of my bedroom in my underwear and a t-shirt to get coffee before I got ready for work and there he is standing in the doorway looking me up and down.” “I smiled and let out a small laugh.

“Believe me when I say he cares about you. Even if he doesn’t realize it yet.”

“What do you mean?” I looked at her with my signature eyebrow raised and confused eyes look.

“Notice, Merle does not show women off unless it’s a “Hey, look at me slap this girls ass so you know I’m fucking her” kind of way. Merle shows you off. He brings you around his friends, introduced you with your real name and not some terrible nickname he came up with. He sits you down next to him with an arm around your shoulder. He speaks to you like a human being and not like a piece of fuck meat. In Merle’s world, that about as affectionate as he can get in public and he doesn’t do that with anyone. You’re an exception to that so what does that say about how he feels about you?” 

“I didn’t think about that. I never even put those things together.” 

I thought for a moment and she could tell I was about to speak after I gathered my sentence in my head so she remained silent.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that he is playing me and I’m falling for it. What does that say about me?”

“It says that you don’t want to believe that he’s playing you know matter how many times you admit it.”  
“That makes zero sense, hun. How can I admit something but not believe it?”

“Just like an addict admits they take an excessive amounts of drugs but doesn’t believe it’s a problem.”

I’m dumbfounded.

“He’s playing you because he doesn’t know how to deal with what he feels. Have you ever heard of Merle being in a serious relationship? Have you ever heard of Merle genuinely caring for anyone BUT his brother? No. He doesn’t know how to express or deal with real emotions that aren’t anger. Hell, he can barely express anger in a healthy way what makes you think he can express love? He doesn’t know what love is because no one has ever loved him nor has he ever loved another person. That goes for family and people of the opposite sex.”

“That’s a sad reality when you put it like that. But it doesn’t mean he’s not bad news.”

“No, it doesn’t and by no means am I saying he’s not bad and dangerous because he most certainly is in many ways. But, I can tell you one thing; he is not a bad person. He does bad things, but he is not bad to the core. I have met truly bad and evil people and it is not Merle. Spitting image of his father but he is not his father on the inside nor is he his father when it comes to the wiring of his brain. Trust me, I know.”

“Do you think I should run?” 

“Run? No. Be careful, yes. Take it slow and cautious, definitely. If anyone can handle him, it’s you. Be mindful that you will never change him and if that is your intention stop. Stop right now. Merle is set in his ways. I’m not saying you can’t tone him down a bit, but you will not change him.”

“So you think Victoria is wrong?” I said with a heavy questioning tone.

“She is my little sister and I love her, but she is often wrong. Not about things her career, but when it comes to family and relationships. She holds a grudge against that part of the family and it is unnecessary. Merle and Daryl had nothing to do with it. Daryl was a toddler and Merle was in Juvie.”

“What are you talking about?” Again with signature look.

“She never told you about that?” 

I shook my head.

“Their father molested her when she was a child and she holds that against Merle and Daryl as if they had something to do with it or as if they could have done something. The times Merle stood up to his father he was almost put into a grave. Daryl was a toddler he couldn’t have done or said anything.”

“She can’t hold that against them. Do they even know about it?”

“Merle does. I don’t know if Daryl does.”

“She needs to let it go, or go to therapy and let it go.”

“Been saying that for years. But-“

Her phone began to ring.

“Oh dear god John can’t you handle anything while I’m gone? Jesus Christ. I’m on my way. Does he need stitches? You don’t know? Fuck. I’m on my way.”

“Child hurt?” I asked with a half annoyed laugh.

“Yes. Dumbass. Love him, but damn. Anyway, moral of this story, don’t let her get to you and don’t let him play you. Be upfront and don’t play him back. I say go for it. Call me tonight, we’ll set another coffee or lunch date.”

“Yes, definitely. Next time bring the kids? We can go to the park or something.”

“That would be great and we wouldn’t be cut short.”

“Thanks girly, I needed that talk. See you later and good luck with your three children!” I winked.

……..

I walked in the door to hear a raised voice coming out of Victoria. Doing what I do best, I eavesdropped and cracked the door so they didn’t know I was home yet.

“Leave her alone, Merle. I’m not fucking kidding. She’s not yours to play with and you’re not good enough for her. You never will be. She classy, not a crack whore like you’re use to.”

“Oh fuck you. Take the stick outta yer ass would ya?” Merle said taking a swig of…something.

“That’s all you have to say? Insults? You can’t even defend yourself! I won’t let her be with someone who cowers when people tell them the truth! You cower at me and you cowered at your father. Grow some balls!”

That was a low blow. Oh Victoria no.

This was the first time I ever saw Merle shut up. He chugged what was left of his drink and smashed it against the kitchen wall before busting out the door and past me.

“Merle?” 

I don’t know if I meant that to come out loud or not but it did and he heard me. 

“WHAT?” he whipped around to look at me. I think he thought that I was Victoria or someone else; I’m not sure because when he saw me he softened ever so slightly.

I stumbled on words trying to get them out but honestly, I hadn’t planned on saying anything so I didn’t know what to say. 

Instead of my words it was his.

“Come with me.”

It was stern and I don’t think it was negotiable so there I went, following him through the woods.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I have done at work today. Write write write.... And I loooove it. The ideas just keep hitting me. It was all pent up in my head for 2 weeks so now it's finally coming out. Enjoy!

“Merle, honey, you know I don’t usually question you, but where the hell are we going? I’ve been following your for almost 30 minutes.”

He hadn’t said a word this whole time. Just kept walking and drinking. I was starting to get concerned and I finally worked up the courage to speak.

“Don’t worry about it. You’ll see in a minute. Hold your tits sweet cheeks.”

I’d get on him for that comment, but now is not the time.

After a five minute walk up a steep hill here I stand, jaw hanging open.

“I has no idea this was here. This is beautiful.”

“Yeah, Daryl found when he was a kid. Ran off and this is where he stayed for damn near 2 weeks. Took me almost two fuckin weeks ta find em.”

It was beautiful. Now I understand the hill. It led up to a lookout. A huge rock, big enough for multiple people to sit on, sitting just behind the cliff and the trees framing the view. I’ve seen things in pictures, but never experienced it personally until now. 

“You come up here often?”

“Is that a pick up line or ya actually asking me?”

“That was a legitimate question, Merle. If I wanted to use a pick up line I would find one better than that.”

He gave me one of those silent, push a puff of air out your nose laughs.

“Sometimes when I disappear I come up ‘ere, but it’s been a long time. Prolly not since you been livin here.”

He looked behind to look at me but I had already started to climb up the rock to sit on it.

I patted the spot next to me and then pointed at him motioning him to come over.

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Oh come on. You made me walk all the way up here now come sit next to me. You didn’t just bring me up here to walk back.”

He rolled his eyes, took a swig, and sat next to me.

He was silent for a long time and I knew that’s what he needed so I remained motionless and quiet until he was ready to speak. Honestly, the silence was good for me too. It was nice to clear my head.

“I ever told you stories bout our sperm donor?”

“Your father? No.”

“Anyone ever told you bout em?”

“Nope, and I’ve never asked. Seems a little bit like a forbidden topic nor my business to ask.”

“Mm” was all he said and it went back to silence.

“You haven’t heard nothin?”

“I mean, I’ve heard “things” but nothing too specific.” 

That was a lie. I’ve heard very specific things, but I don’t know if I should bring those specifics up.

“Bull fuckin shit.”

Damnit. He caught me.

“Okay, I’ve heard specifics. It’s bad. That’s why I don’t ask.”

“By all means ask away sweet cheeks.”

“Call me that one more time. I fucking hate when people call me that.” I was a little irritated.

“Hoooo wee, I like when you get a little feisty.”

I stuck my tongue out at him and gave him the finger. Okay, that was a little immature but fuck it. 

He let out a “Heh” laugh with a touch of a smile, so at least my immaturity bought me that.

He was silent for a moment and finally said “He was a piece of shit. What he did to other people wadn’t even a match for what he did to me and ma brother or are mother.”

“I’m all ears if you want to talk, but I won’t ask any questions.”

Apparently that was exactly what he wanted because for the first time in my knowing him, and probably the first time in long time (maybe ever) he opened up. He laid it flat out to me. It was more for him, even if he will never admit it to me, but it was. 

“Mom wasn’t much good at discipline, she felt bad I think. So when daddy enforced that she do somethin, along wither drinkin habit, she didn’t go easy.Ya ever watched ma brother burn emself with a cigarette? That’s why. That’s what that bitch use to do.”

I had. I had seen him do it multiple times. Whenever he was pissed off, sometimes just because, I’ve watched him do it. He doesn’t flinch, his eyes don’t water, he just stares at it. How could you do that to your child?

He told me multiple stories, most of which I got teary eyed, but I held it back and I didn’t say a word. I just sat there staring ahead and listening to him.

He got silent, remembered he had half his bottle of jack sitting beside him, took a huge swig and swallowed it hard. I knew he was thinking about something when he did that because he took another, and then two more swigs before he finally rubbed his face and started to speak again. 

“He was always beatin on her. The only time he didn’t was when he was locked up. Once he beat er and fucked er so hard she passed out in front a me.”

Another swig down the hatch.

“He was somewhere on a bender when it happened. Was sittin at the table eatin something, shit if I remember what, and she wadn’t damn wino yet.”

He never called her mom. Only pronouns. When he said “daddy” it was sarcastic.

“She was puttin dishes away when she gave some action figure fuckin thing and told me not to say a damn word to my father. He busted through the door and smashed a bottle of whiskey on the floor. Waste a damn alcohol, mother fucker.”

He always made jokes to lighten the story, but we both know damn well it didn’t work.

“She told me ta go ta the other room and he came in the kitchen, smacked er across the face and started screamin at er about dinner. She kept tellin em she’d get it but instead he punched er in the side a the head and slammed her face first on the table. Tolder he had something else in mind for dinner. Hiked her skirt up and she screamed, youda thought he was killin er. Might as well been. Prolly been easier.”

He finished the last bit of the bottle and threw it off the cliff.

“You ever saw blood run down a woman’s leg? I did that night. Finally he got sick of er screamin so he knocked er in the head until she was out cold. He finished grabbed some food off the plate and started ta walk away. Dumbass kid I was decided to punch em in the nuts. He knocked me back hard into the wall and swore to kill me if I did it again.”

I swear I saw him wince a little right before he let out a deep sigh.

“Six weeks later she told me she was gonna have a baby. Little over seven months later Daryl was born.”

He laid back with his arms rested under his head bending his back around the rock before he sat back up. All I could do was star forward. I couldn’t move. I had no idea. I don’t think Victoria had a clue. I don’t think anyone did. He told me stories I didn’t think possible. And that one, that one was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard.

“Daryl don’t know that. Don’t fuckin tell him neither.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“I’m getting off this damn thing.” He mumbled as he slid off the rock and laid down on the ground, ankles crossed and his arms under his head.

“Come on down pretty lady.” He said it so casually. As if he hadn’t just told me the worst possible things that could have happened to him. But I got down anyway and sat on the ground next to him indian style, I tried not to sit too close.

“Come ere. Promise I ain’t got any diseases.” 

He was pulling me down by my arm. And I obliged. I wanted to.

He pulled me in and I rest my head on the spot next to his shoulder and chest while he wrapped his arm around my back to keep me snug against him. 

This was odd. Again with the affection that I didn’t understand. I kept thinking about my conversation with Victoria’s sister. This was so unusual, but I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to break the spell. 

He wasn’t tense. Every time I’ve been close to him he’s tense, but not now. His shoulders are relaxed, his arms aren’t tensed up, and his stomach doesn’t looks like it’s in knots. 

He was asleep. Sound asleep while I lay with him on the warm ground. I was feeling the sense of sleep taking me and I was letting it. The sky was getting dark but I really did not want to wake him. 

And I didn’t have to.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is boring, I know. But I promise it was necessary. You'll know why later.

“Found em!” Daryl screamed.

Merle jerked up and as did I. Mostly because he did. Not because I wanted to

“The hell you screamin bout?” Merle shouted at Daryl.

“Victoria got worried about you two since ya been missin for like three or four hours.” Daryl said. “Missin” came out very sarcastic. Which means Victoria is overreacting.

“We’re fine. I followed Merle up here and we’ve just been sitting. It’s nice up here.” I said to Daryl as Victoria was walking up.

“Jesus Christ I thought he kidnapped you or something storming out like that! Don’t you ever run off with her!” Victoria snapped.

“Excuse me?” I could feel my blood starting to boil.

“He shouldn’t run out take you with him. And you could have let me know so I didn’t freak out!” 

“So, let me get this straight, you shout at him you tell him he’s not worthy of me, basically that he’s a piece of shit, and bring up old things about his father and expect him not to leave? Also, who the fuck do you think you are trying to tell me that I have to come get permission from you to take a god damn walk to attempt to calm down the person you not only pissed off but most likely stabbed in the chest? You are not my god damn mother and I am a fucking adult. You are a sour bitch Victoria! All you do is bitch and tear other people down because you can’t live with your own self! You self sabotage and have a power complex. I’m over it! Get happy or get the fuck out, please!”

“Oh right, I’m the problem says the girl who’s falling right into the arms of an abusive junkie just like his father. What James said in the bar, what you punched him for, what you defended Merle for, he was right and you shouldn’t have hit him.”

That was it. I slipped over my edge. I was running at her faster than Merle or Daryl could grab me. I grabbed her by her hair and yanked her to the ground and held her there. I didn’t want to hurt her, I wanted her to listen. 

“You have no fucking clue what they went through you spoiled brat! What their father did to you is NOT what THEY did to you! He is NOT his father and I swear to everything holy you say it one more time or bring him down one more time I will personally kick you out of this house and onto the streets. They let you move in here. They chose to help you when they shouldn’t have. You are not always the victim Victoria!”

Merle came up behind me and Daryl up behind Victoria. 

“Let go _____.” Merle said in my ear.

I did. I let go. Not with a yank, I let go softly and I fell down on my butt as she got up. Victoria started to say something, but Daryl made her shut up and walk away before she could speak.

“You alright?” Merle asked keeping his distance a little.

“I’m not going to hit you or anything. I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to stay so far away.”

“Are. You. Alright?” He asked again with a more stern tone.

“I think so.”

He helped me up off the ground and we started to walk back to the house.

……..

We walked slower than they did. Mostly because I emotionally drained myself and I think he could tell. But also because I knew I was going to have to deal with that when we got back.

When we got back Daryl was sitting on the front porch with a cigarette in his hand. 

“I ain’t dealin with that in there. She’s lost er mind.” He said then taking a long drag off of his cigarette.

“What is she doing?” I asked tiredly.

“Throwin shit. Screamin bout how we ain’t grateful fer what she does fer us. Kinda wanna tell her to leave but it ain’t my business.” He was aggravated. It took a lot for Daryl to get that irritable.

“It is your business. It’s your house. You are allowed to tell her to leave. But I’m going to deal with it.” Shit. I could feel my blood boiling again. 

“Need me to be on standby outside the door in case ya decide to off er?” Merle laughed. 

I flipped him off, though it did make me smile. I enjoyed our banter. 

“Victoria.” I said as I leaned in her doorway.

“You want me out. I’ll get out of your way sweetheart. So you can snuggle up with your two new best friends, alright? Don’t worry.” She sneered.

“Stop. That’s not what I said. I’m just sick of your attitude with them. You didn’t give them the time of day and then when we move in you try to run shit. That isn’t your place.” 

For as pissed as I was, my tone was coming off soft, but mildly concerned. 

“I run shit because their redneck asses would be dead if I didn’t.”

“I highly doubt that. They weren’t dead before you got here.”

“But who was in jail all the time before that? Huh? With me here he doesn’t go to jail.”

“Um, actually if you add it up it’s about the same. I’ve picked him up a lot more than you think. We just didn’t tell you because you would freak out.”

“You know what YOUR problem is ______? You are so insecure about yourself that you settle for pieces of shit like him. I guarantee he will end up treating you the same way his father did his mother and then when he rapes girls, it will be there for you to see that I was right. “

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Maybe you should go if you feel so unhappy and unsafe around them.”

“I am. I’m leaving. Don’t call me when you get knocked up with the junkies child.”

She said this as she walked past me and out the door.

“I hope you find peace with yourself Victoria, because the colors you are showing right now are dark and twisted.”

I refused to raise my voice at her. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t speaking out of anger. I wanted her to know that she was hurting herself.

“Cigarette?” Merle motioned one to me. 

“I’d rather just lay down. Honestly.”

He nodded his head at me. “Take my bed. She ripped yers up.”

I didn’t respond. But I did. I took his bed and about 20 minutes later I felt him slide in and up against my back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Smut, choking, bdsm-ish, choking, aggressive sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly smut with a little bit of plot at the end. #finallysmut I knew it took awhile but I hope the 1193 words of it was worth it. :*

“Hey.” I said in my half asleep voice with a smile as I rolled over to face him.

“Mmm” was the only response I got. 

I could smell the whiskey on him and for once it was actually a comforting smell; comforting because it was his smell.

I snuggled into him with a disapproving groan coming out of his relaxed lips. I pressed light kiss in the center of his throat as I let my hand slide up his stomach to rest on his chest.

He gave no response so I began leaving kisses up his neck and onto his jawline, finally placing my lips on his own. 

“You don’t take no for an answer, do ya?” He mumbled.

“I didn’t realize you were saying no. Sorry.” I felt embarrassed.

I rolled back over to the opposite side of the bed as far as I could. 

“Where ya going? You tease a man and then roll away?”

“I thought you were saying no?” I’m confused.

“Now Princess, do you think I would say no to you?”

“I thought that was what you were implying.”

He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back against him. He pulled my hair away so he could latch onto my neck. The surprising warmth of his mouth made a gasp escape my mouth. 

I arched my back in just a way that my ass would push against his front. With that he grabbed onto my hip and squeezed tight so to me in my place. 

“You do like to tease, huh baby?” 

“My specialty.”

He let out of small laugh before running a hand up and down my side until he let it slide onto my left breast. He rubbed and slipped his hand into my bra and began to knead my breast making me “Mmmh”. 

He slipped from behind me causing me to fall onto my back just like he wanted so he could hover above me. He reached behind my back to unclasp my bra and take my top off.

“Holy shit. I forgot how nice they were.” He said staring at them like a kid looks at their favorite candy before he leaned down to take my nipple into his mouth. I ran my hand through his ashy brown hair as I reared my chest into him.

“Gettin a little worked up are we? Been awhile princess?”

“You know it has, asshole.”

“Ah ah ahh, mean names like that cause you to lose your hand privleges.”

Merle Dixon is kinky? Oh fuck. I literally had just walked into my own wet dream…Am I dreaming?

The force of him grabbing my wrists and holding them together in his left calloused hand made me realize I definitely, was not dreaming.

“Merle?” I said needy.

“Don’t worry baby, I got ya.”

Independent woman in the streets, needy submissive in the sheets.

He slid my panties off and ran a thick finger up my slit causing me to jerk my his forward. 

“Need contact” Was all I could think in my head.

“You want my fingers in you baby girl? That what you want? Gonna have to beg for it if ya want it that bad.” 

“Merle please. I need it.” Damn I sounded desperate… And I was.

He cupped his hand over my cunt and leaned down to my ear.

“Need what?” He was stern and demanding with emphasis on ‘what.’

“I need something inside me, please.”

“Good girl.”

He let go of my wrists and moved down to position him face between my legs.

“Oh god.” 

I did not mean for that to come out loud. 

He smiled before he licked a long stripe from my opening up to my clit.

“Fuck.” I said under my breath. I was expecting teasing, but apparently he was done with that game.

After making sure he got a good taste he brought his hand up and stuck in middle finger at my entrance, pausing all his motions.

“You want this?”

“Please baby. I need it.”

And with that his slid his finger in and then another before he went back to lapping at my sweet spot.

“Fuck Merle I’m close.”

That urged him to go harder until I let out a “Ahhh, shit” and as my orgasm wracked through my body and my hips reared upward, cumming around his fingers.

He kissed his way back up me until he reached my face.

“Taste like sweet strawberries, princess.” He said before kissing me harshly.

I giggled. He really had taken a liking to the nickname recently.

I slid my hand down and rubbed my palm against the hardening in his pants. 

“Off.” I demanded as I unbuttoned his pants and started pushing them off of his hips.

“Eager after that, still?”

“Merle, baby, please shut up and take your pants off.”

“My pleasure.”

I rolled my eyes at him and apparently that set him off because he came crashing down with his lips on my neck and an arm lifting me up so my hips were positioned with his groin. 

He grabbed his hard cock in his hand and positioned it with my entrance. I looked up at him with a consenting look and he slid slow and deeply in me until every thick inch was seated inside me. 

He leaned back down over me resting himself on his forearms. He bit into my shoulder and slowly started rolling into me. He kept that slow, grueling pace until I begged him to move faster. 

I wrapped my left leg around his right hip and urged him deeper.

“I like it deep.”

“I can tell.”

He picked up his pace thrusting harder and harder until you could hear the obscene sound of our skin hitting each other. He leaned up, his left hand grabbing my right breast and his right hand grabbing my left hip, pounding into me. He let go of my breast and slowly slid his hand around my throat. 

That was it. My eyes were blown, my hands resting on his sweaty arms, and uncontrollable moans and curses escaping my mouth. 

“Shit baby don’t stop.”

With his hands still on my throat he leaned down and kissed me so feverishly that it may have hurt had the other sensation in my body not been booming. 

“I’m gonna cum.” He confessed.

“Come in me.” I said wantingly.

“You sure bout that?” He questioned.

“Please.” I said with my pupil blown eyes.

His thrusts became erratic and his head fell into the crook of my neck biting down as he rolled one last deep and hard thrust as he came in me. I ran my hand up his back and gripped my thighs around his sides just a little bit tighter as he came down from his high. 

We both laid there silent and motionless for what felt like decades until finally he kissed my shoulder and rolled off onto his back.

“Come ere.” He said motion for me to come lay on him.

I cuddled against him and rest my head on his shoulder while his hand lay pressed against my back until sleep took us both. 

……..

We both awoke the next morning warm and positioned with him lying behind me, and his hand cupping the place just under my breast with his thumb resting between my breasts and index finger wrapping underneath my right breast. I would later learn this is his signature sleeping position. 

It was quiet. As a matter of fact it was too quiet. The sun usually shown right through a spot in the curtain illuminating the other half of the bedroom even when it was slightly cloudy. It wasn’t raining. You could hear it pounding on the roof in here. 

“Is it just me or is it oddly quiet?” 

He grumbled.

“Merle.” I said lightly slapping his arm around me.

“What?!” He was always grumpy in the morning. Especially when he was woken up.

“Listen.” I insisted.

“I don’t here shit.”

“Exactly. It’s too quiet.”

He perked up. “Not a reason to wake me up, princess. You wore me out last night.”

“Ugh. Fine. But let go of me.” I said as I pushed out of his grip and pressed my feet on the cold floor.

I threw the cover back on him and went into the kitchen where Daryl stand.

“Was just comin to get you two.” He said, his tone off.

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t know. But it ain’t good. Get Merle an look outside.”

I ran into our bedroom and woke him back up.

“Jesus woman, let me sleep.”

“Merle get up. Daryl said something is wrong outside and to get you.” I sounded worried and he knew it so he sat up with a huff and pissed off posture and pulled the curtains open.

“Mother fucker. What the hell happened?”


	15. Chapter 15

It was gloomy and fog covered the atmosphere so badly you couldn’t see five feet in front of you. The silence. It was weird. Inside the house you couldn’t hear anything and when you stepped outside I swear you could hear a pin drop. Up here you couldn’t hear much anyway, not from the town at all, but the trees were always rustling and some critter or bird was making noise. Today, nothing. 

I latched onto Merle because I could feel the overwhelming sense of something being wrong. This wasn’t fear. This was the knowing, the 100% positivity that something was severely wrong. 

We didn’t watch tv in the house, I hated the news, and we were all too busy with something that we never turned them on. I had gotten off work early on Thursday and Friday the big bosses were out for a meeting so we were off and not a single one of us had left the house all weekend. Except for Victoria. 

“What do you think it is?” I asked to whoever would answer.

“Explosion. Nukes. War. Invasion. Apocalypse.” Merle said and laughed at the last idea.

“Not funny, Merle. This is unsettling.”

“Tryin to lighten the mood, cupcake.”

“Stop.” I said defensively.

“Quit yer bickering would ya? Something ain’t right.” Daryl knew it too. 

Something was bad and we weren’t sure if we should stay where we were or run for our lives. Spoiler alert, we should have stayed right where we were.

“Lets go check out the town. See what we can see.” Merle suggested with confidence.

I wanted to object, but they would go either way and I wasn’t waiting with the anxiety of “Are they ever coming back?” so we hopped in the truck and went into town.

It looked like the damn apocalypse was about to happen. 

Victoria’s dad’s shop was right as you came into town so we stopped to see what was going on but it was locked up tight. 

I saw Shane’s car and told Merle to stop. When he finally complied I got out and ran over to the car and when I knocked on the window I got a gun pointed at me. 

“Shane! What the hell? It’s me!” I screamed fearfully.

“Shit, ______, sorry. What are you doing are you okay? Get in the car you shouldn’t be standing out here by yourself!” He was talking so fast I could barely comprehend what he was saying.

“I’m not alone, Merle and Daryl are in the truck. What is going on? We woke up this morning and it looked like this outside and clearly people are running around panicked.”

“You have no idea what’s going on?” He questioned me like I was lying.

“I got off early at work on Thursday, didn’t have to go in Friday, and all of us have been at the house all weekend. Some shit went down and we were too drained to leave.”

“Oh yea, heard Victoria got kicked out. Follow me to the station. I’ve got some uneasy news to explain.”

He rolled up his window and turned on his car so I ran back to the truck and told Merle to follow him.

“Inside. Hurry.” Shane urged as we got out of the truck.

“Calm it down five-o we’re movin.” Merle teased ushering me forward with his hand on my upper back.

Shane didn’t snap back. Something really was wrong. Those two fight like cats and dogs. 

We waltz in and there stands Shane and only Shane. 

“Where is everyone?” I insistently questioned.

“Gone. Hospital. In no shape to be here.”

“So you gonna tell us what happened or beat around the damn bush some more?” 

Merle was irritated and I don’t blame him, I was burning a short fuse myself.

“It started here on Wednesday night. Other parts of the country and the world last week. Nobody knows how it started. People just started biting people and then they would die and come back and start trying to eat other living things. It’s something out of damn movie and it’s fucked up.”

“Zombies? Quit fucking around, Shane.” I did not want it to be true, but I knew it was.

“I’m not fucking around. Zombies, living dead, whatever the fuck you want to call it, it’s happening and it’s getting out of control. Fast. I would suggest you get back in that truck and go back up the hill and stay in your house until the military and government get this worked out.”

“Ain’t you ever watched the movies? The government is usually the one that started this shit and they ain’t gonna fix it.” He didn’t know it now, but Merle was right about the government not fixing it.

“Well then go hole yourself up there or run away, but go somewhere safe because safe isn’t down here.” 

“Where’s your partner? Rick? Is he okay? And Victoria?” I was worried. I was blurting my thoughts out.

“He’s in the hospital. _______, It’s okay. It’ll be alright.”

“You didn’t answer the last part, Shane.”

“I….I don….I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since the night you guys kicked her out. We got into an argument because I took your guys’ side and she threw her drink at me and left. I haven’t seen her. I’m sorry.”

All I could do was nod. Daryl was looking at me. He knew I felt guilty. He knew Merle was pissed that Shane was being nice to me. But he stayed quiet and in the shadows.

“Well, let’s go ladies.” Mere exclaimed as he turned and walked out. 

He had a cigarette lighting it before he got out the door. I smiled at Shane and followed behind.

“Stay safe, ________. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all.” I didn’t hear the last part. I was too far outside. All I heard was ‘Stay safe.”

“We need to go home.” Was all I could muster up. 

I felt like I was going to pass out. Dread and guilt was taking over. I knew right then that things were changing and the world as we knew it would never be the same again; it was only going to get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving closer to the real plot of TWD and not my AU. Though, this series will probably always be a little AU. 
> 
> P.S. I'm having all four of my wisdom teeth surgically removed tomorrow so I don't know if I'll be writing this weekend. It just kind of depends on how I'm feeling.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry guys. I know it's taken me forever to get this out and I promise that it will be regularly updated again. I had my wisdom teeth taken out and I was in a ton of pain so I didn't feel like writing and then I was transitioning jobs which has been a little crazy. My new job I've went from working first, second and third shift all in one week (6 days in a row) so I've been 100% zombified (No pun intended). But I'm back! My schedule is semi normal and I'll be getting chapters out at least once a week. Love you allllll!

“Go home? And do what? Sit with our thumbs up our asses? Don’t know if you noticed baby girl, but uh, the dead are walkin and they ain’t exactly cute and cuddly.” Merle said as he continued to puff on his cigarette.

 

“Oh okay. So what’s your plan? Huh? Drive around waiting to turn into one of these things?” 

 

I was irritated. There was nothing I hated more than him talking down to me like a little girl and that is exactly what he was doing. Like I had no sense.

 

“Put yer fire out and quit barkin’.” 

 

If looks could kill, Merle would be a pile of ash after that comment.

 

“You two are always fightin at the worst times. We needta make a plan.”

 

Daryl’s annoyance was growing more and more by the minute and I could hear it his tone. It took a lot for Daryl to let his irritation be known so I knew to tone it back and tolerate Merle’s ass of an attitude for Daryl’s sake.

 

“How about pack are shit and leave? Sounds like a plan ta me. Let’s go.” 

 

Merle was opening the door to the truck and flicking his cigarette on the ground before we could even process his words. I didn’t agree, but I also didn’t want to hang out here so I lugged my self over to the truck and hopped in.

........

 

“Merle, slow down for ten fucking seconds would you?” 

 

All I got for a response was glare before he went straight back to throwing shit in bags.

 

“What about Victoria?”

 

All motions halted. I could see the wheels turning in his head. For once today he was thinking before he spoke. Choosing his words wisely so not to strike a nerve in me. 

 

“Baby. We gotta think smart, right?” He asked softly.

 

“Right?” I said confused. Where was he going with this?

 

“And, you said it yourself, wondering around ain’t gonna do nothin but get us in trouble. Right?”

 

“Uh huh.” I knew exactly where he was going with this. 

 

He let out a sigh. He didn’t want to say it. He was hoping I would get it and walk away. I got it. But I wasn’t going to say it. I needed him to say it so I could accept it.

 

He walked over and put his hand on my hip and his eyes looking directly into mine. 

 

“If we see people, we’ll ask about her. But we can’t go out on a search party, alright?”

 

I nodded my head. I knew if I said anything I was either going to snap at him or cry. Not because I was angry with him, but because I knew he was right and I felt guilty. I had never felt the amount of guilt that was washing over me in that moment. Should have done things different. 

 

“Quit blamin yerself. Ain’t nothin you coulda done. She ran off by herself. You didn’t tell her to.”

 

He pressed a kiss to my forehead. I wanted nothing more than to sink into him, but he removed his hand from my hip and walked back over to the bed where the bags lay.

 

“Pack what we’ll need. No bullshit like pictures and jewelry. We’ll come back later if we can, but right now we gotta take what’ll get us through.”

 

I meandered to the kitchen attempting to force motivation on myself while pulling canned goods out of the pantry.

 

“Merle! C’mon and give me a hand with the guns and shit!” Daryl yelled from the back of the house.

 

Merle came through the kitchen with a bag slung over his shoulder. 

 

“I’ll be back in the shed, you need me scream, alright?”

 

“Got it, babe.” I said and turned on my heel to keep looking for things we could take with us.

 

“What the hell?” I said as I pulled something out of the back of the pantry.

 

What the fuck was this and how did I never notice it. God fucking damn it. This was new. This was recently put here. I’m going to kill Merle.

 

“HEROIN?!?!” I screamed through the kitchen as I stomped my way towards the back of the house. 

 

“MERLE DIXON. Get your ass over here. What the fuck? What in god’s fucking name is this shit? I thought you dumped this crap?”

 

“What in the hell are you screamin at me about?” Merle was irritated and confused walking out of the shed with his hands in the air towards me

 

“Heroin. In the pantry. It’s not old so don’t even lie to me. I cleaned that pantry out less than a week ago.”

 

“What the fuck? That shit ain’t mine. Swear ta God. Daryl?” He looked at Daryl like he was going to kill him if it was his.

 

Merle didn’t care if it were any of his friends, girlfriends, uncles, cousin, who the fuck ever, but Daryl was not to do hard drugs. One time he caught Daryl popping an oxy and you’d think he murdered someone. Daryl got punched in the stomach so hard he threw up on Merle’s shoes. 

 

“Fuck no. I don’t do that white trash shit.“ Daryl said offended that Merle would even think it was his.

 

“Well, somebody’s lying and they better fess up before we leave this place. I’m looking at you Merle Dixon.” I shot him a death look before I walked back into the house.

 

Throwing the needle on the kitchen floor and crushing it under my foot I through the rest down the drain and the box in the trash.

 

“Fucking idiot.” I muttered under my breath. 

 

I could hear them in the back yard bickering with one another about who’s it was, but I chose to ignore it and continue on with my business.

 

I heard footsteps behind me so I flipped around thinking it was Merle coming to fess up.

 

“Ready to admit it already, huh?” I started to cross my arms before my eyes damn near sprung out of my scull and stumbled backward.

 

“Yeah, it’s mine. Thanks for makin it sewer rat food. Ya must be Merle’s new little cunt I keep hearin bout.”

 

That’s all I heard. Next thing I knew, hard impact met the side of my skull, my vision went black, and all sounds went mute.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I got a new ipad that I can take everywhere with me which means *drum roll* I can write wherever! This means that (hopefully) I can get chapters out more often! :D

I had only ever seen him in pictures…Well, one picture actually. A picture I found in the back of a closet one day when I was deep cleaning the house after I moved in. I remember asking Daryl who it was and all he responded was “some bastard.” I knew right then exactly who he was talking about. I had heard the stories. I thought he was dead. I was told he was dead.

Apparently they only meant dead in theory. Not dead in real life. 

……..

I woke up with a pounding headache and from a dream about being back home states away sitting with my family laughing, playing cards, and eating. It felt so real that when I woke up I was confused on where I was. I thought I was there so waking up to my surroundings was nothing less than a shock.

Pitch black woods and a man lighting a cigarette in the short distance. 

“Merle?” I muttered out in a raspy voice. 

“Fuck, do I wish people would quit askin that.”

He blew out the smoke straight in my face and said “Do I look like Merle to ya dumb bitch?” 

Yes. Quite a bit actually. They really weren't kidding about Merle being his spitting image. 

I thought it, I almost said it but I was smart enough not to say it and I put my head down. 

“What? You miss him? You want Merle to come save ya?” 

I kept my head down and kept my lips sealed. 

“Answer me whore! Do ya fuckin speak or do ya just suck dick? That why he keep ya around?! Sure as shit don't keep ya round cause he loves ya. Dixons don’t fall for that bullshit. Fact, I heard you drive him nuts with all that blabbin and cuddly shit. Don’t know real man like that and they won't put up with it neither. Won't be too long before he grows the nads to put ya in yer place.” 

I was speechless. It took everything in me to look up at him. I've never felt so small.

“Stand the fuck up.” He said as he yanked me up by my arm.

“What do you want?” I finally asked. 

“Do you even know who I am? Or are to dumb that ya ain't figured it out yet?”

“The face was a key clue, but honestly, it was the verbal abuse that made it clear. Hi, Will. I was hoping I would never have to come face to face with you.” I said with a big smirk on my face. 

“Ahhhh, we got ourselves a smart ass huh? Ya know who was a smart ass?”  
He didn't let me respond before he continued. 

“My fuckin wife and the two dumbasses she gave birth to.”

“Why did you knock me over the head?” I asked bravely. 

“Hostage.” He replied nonchalantly taking a puff off of his cigarette. 

“Why?” 

“Because if I have ya, then maybe, if what I'm told is right, they’ll come after ya.”

“And you want that because?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“You and I both know that if I walked inta that house I'd get a bullet to ma brain.”

I shrugged my shoulders in response.

“Me and my boys… We ain't exactly on the best of terms.”

“That's putting it nicely.” I spat followed by a forced laugh.

“What? We ain't either baby?”

“Don't ever call me that.”

“That reserved for Merle? You prefer whore instead?” He laughed. 

Before I could say anything else I heard the click of a guns safety turning off followed by 

“What the fuck are you doing here.” The structure of his sentence was set up like one, but Merle wasn't asking a question. 

“Ah hah! There's my boy!” Little did he know Daryl had snuck behind him while Merle got his focus. 

“Boys” Merle said with emphasis on the s. 

“Huh?” Will questioned right before he received a blow to the head. 

“Take that ya son of a bitch.” Daryl hissed looking over his fathers body. 

“Ya alright babe?” Merle’s tone actually sounded concerned. 

“I think so. My head hurts though.” I whimpered as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. 

“Whadya wanna do with him?” Daryl asked looking at his brother. 

“Hadn't really thought that far little brother.” Merle said scratching his forehead.

“I thought he was dead.” I said abruptly. 

“Prison. S’pose to have a life sentence. Well, not life, but so many years he’d be dead before he got out.” He mumbled that last part as he ran his hand down my back before he walked away towards his father who was still lying on the ground face first into the dirt. 

“I'll get the feet you get the head?” Daryl asked as he started to grab his fathers feet. 

“Nah, do it the way we use to in the house.” Merle smirked as Daryl came up and grabbed an arm.

They both started dragging him by his arms through the dirt and rocks and twigs after Merle swiped his cigarettes and lighter out of his father’s pocket.

“Comin princess?” He yelled at me. 

“Yeah.” I said and followed suit. 

……..

If the bastard didn't have a concussion from the blow to his head he most definitely did now. Merle and Daryl made it a point to knock his head into every large stone and tree trunk they could along with dragging his face through the mud getting filth up his nose and in his mouth all the while the smirked the whole way back to the house. 

“Why don't you think any of those things are up here?” Again, with my abrupt questions.

“You alright babe? You're a little chatty tonight.” Merle looked concerned but I didn't pay any attention. 

“Just thinking. Sorry.” I started to hang my head in fear I had upset him.

They both shared a look with one another before they stopped and Merle let go of Will’s arm and turned towards me. 

“I’ll be quiet. I promise. Continue dragging him home.”

“Nobody said you hadta be quiet. Why ya actin so nervous? That blow to the head get to ya?”

“Huh? No. Just don't wanna bother you. Ya know, talk to much or something.” 

“Alright.” Was all he said with a look of ‘what the fuck is wrong with her?’ On his face.

Merle grabbed both of Will’s arms and dragged him into the house while Daryl hung back a moment to let him get in the house and turned back around to me.

“That piece a shit say something to you? You're actin like Merle’s been hittin ya er somethin the way you flinch and put yer head down every time he says somethin to ya.” 

“I'm fine, Daryl. I just don't want to annoy him with talking all the time about stuff he doesn't care about or embarrass him with stuff.” 

“Embarrass him?” He got closer after this. He knew something happened.

“You know like too much affection and what not. It no big deal just something I realized that bothers him a bit is all.” I had gone into victim mode. I swear if Merle or Daryl smacked me I would felt like I deserved it. 

“You think it bothers him? You're the first girl he ever wanted to do that with him. He ain't the affectionate type or likes when people blab but for some reason he eats that shit up with you.”

This should have made me feel better but it didn't. Not one bit. I was in a trance.

“You two gonna gossip like teenage girls out there or ya wanna come help me out?!” 

 

As we were walking in I heard a sharp “God, Fuck, you bastard!!!” From Merle. 

As soon as I walked into the kitchen I was immediately snapped out of my haze and went into panic mode. There was blood on the floor and knife being thrown into the wall.

“Merle!” I screamed as I ran full speed to him. “Baby are you okay? Where are you bleeding? what happened?!”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ipad and night shift thing is really working out well. I can write at work during my down time so I'm able to get stuff out! I hope everyone is still enjoying this. We're getting closer to understanding the first part of chapter one!

Daryl managed to knock his father out once more while I tended to Merle who was bleeding a furious amount. 

“Calm down! It's just my leg. I ain't dyin.” Merle yelled at me as I was trying figure out where the wound was. 

“You shouldn't have taken the knife out like that! You could have done serious damage and now it will be harder to get the bleeding to stop.” 

“It's fine. Move. I got it. You ain't nods tot anyway!” He snapped as he batted me away. 

“You don't have to yell at me. I'm just trying to help. I thought he stabbed you somewhere else.” I defended. 

“If you would calm the fuck down and listen I coulda just told ya and wouldn't haveta yell.” 

I understand his patience is worn, but after the things his father said, the things that are still ringing in my head, his words and pushing me away was hurting me more. Making me questions those words. Making me question if Will was right. 

I opted to not respond to him. I just stood there, waiting to be given an order. 

“Merle. Look at his back. The hell is that? Dog bite?” Daryl face was scrunched into utter curiosity. 

Somewhere along the way where they had drug him through the woods and into the house the back of Will’s shirt had ripped exposing a pussy, bloody bite on his back.

“Nah Darylina, those are human teeth. One a those mother fuckers musta got a hold of him.” Merle said as he examined the wound on his father’s back. 

“You don't wanna be a doctor now huh? Just gonna stand and watch?” Merle laughed.

He was just being a smartest the way that he always is. And normally, I would have had a witty response and smack the back of his shoulder playfully before he kissed my forehead and said something along the lines of “Just messin princess.” But instead I took it personally and I walked through the house out back and sat myself down on the hard concrete contemplating everything I knew. 

As I walked out the door the two of them shared a look before Merle said “the fuck is her problem t’night?” To which Daryl replied “think this asshole” he pointed at Will’s unconscious body, “said something to her er somethin.” 

“Should I go--” before Merle could finish his sentence Daryl said “No, giver some space for a minute.” 

He shouldn't have given me space. He should have come out there. He should have come and told me everything was fine and that I could tell him what was wrong and then tell me how his father was just being an ass, but he didn't. He should have. 

I was sobbing like a 18 year old girl who just had her engagement broken off on the back concrete porch. I was sobbing so hard that I didn’t notice the diseased thing coming straight at me until it leaped onto me snapping its jaws in my face. 

I was screaming and pushing before I caught a glimpse of a flathead screwdriver to my right. I got a hold of it and pushed it through the thing’s left eye. Immediately is seized all movement and I was able to push it off of me. About the time as I rolled it off of my chest and sat up, Merle and Daryl came bursting out the door. 

“Shit sugar, you alright?” Merle asked and he reached down to help me up.

“Fine.” I helped myself up and pushed past him and Daryl into the house. 

The two once again shared a look and followed me into the house.  
They had managed to tie Will up before coming outside to “rescue” me. 

“That's not your dad anymore.” I said stone cold. 

“No shit. We were coming to ask your opinion when we heard you screaming.” Merle spat at me. 

“Stab it through the eye. That's what killed the one outside.” Again, my tone was cold and harsh.

It wasn't hard for them. In fact, I think they had a little joy in killing him. The crowbar through the eyeball did the trick, but Daryl toon a go with an arrow he had in his hand. They drug him outside and threw him over the hill when they were done. 

……..

“I think we should go.” I said as soon as Merle and Daryl walked in the door. 

I had managed to pack everything we would need in the short amount of time they were gone outside. I was done here. I knew what was happening and I knew it wasn't safe to stay. We had to go and we had to keep driving.

There was no conversation. We each grabbed a bag and threw it into the back of the truck. Merle took his bike and I rode with Daryl. Naturally, Merle took the lead and we followed behind. We didn't stop in town, we just kept driving until we got about 2 minutes outside of town near an old farm. 

Merle had signaled us to stop and Daryl pulled over behind Merle's bike. 

“Daryl come ere a minute. ____, baby, stay in the truck for sec.” His harsh tone had subsided suddenly and I knew exactly why. 

I couldn't hear them talking but I saw Merle point to something and they both nodded their heads before they walked over to me. Mere opened my door and helped me out.

“I don't know, how to say this, but uh,” he scratched his head and leaned on the side of the truck in front of me. 

“It's her isn't it.” Was all I muttered before he said shook his head and said “yeah” in a raspy voice. 

“I want to do it.” I said.

“____,” Daryl paused but didn't have time to finish.

“No, Victoria was my friend and I think it should be me.” 

Daryl was about to argue but Merle raised him hand in a “wait” motion and the handed me the knife that was in his pocket. 

I made it quick. I said a simple “sorry” and “goodbye” before I plunged the blade deep into her skull. This should have been sad, but I knew it wasn't her anymore. The thing before me was not the friend that I loved and cared for. This was just something that took over her body, like a demon of sorts, but this demon couldn't be expelled. No exorcism or ritual would rid this from her body and return her true spirit. The only peace for her was death...again. 

We got back in the truck and Merle kicked his bike on and we took off. Set out again. We weren't sure where we were going, but we knew we weren't stopping until we knew it was the right place. 

“Know he said something. Know that's why you ain't actin like yourself. Hey you're upset with Merle.” Daryl finally piped up.

“Not upset with him. Just confused.” 

“About what?” 

“Where I stand, what we are, what I am to him, if I'm just a convenient piece of meat for him.” Your could taste the bitterness coming off of my tongue as I spoke these words. 

“What?! Jesus Christ. You know you ain't. Is that what he said to you?” 

“Yeah, and that I annoy the hell out of Merle with my talking and affection. Also that one of these days he’ll get sick of it and put me in my place. Which I'm assuming that meant beat me until learn not to say or do anything unless I'm told.” 

“One, Merle would never hit a woman. Two, he don't care that you talk a lot or that you're affectionate. You're the first girl to show him genuine affection so, if he seems a little put off by it just know he ain't he just don't know how to react to it. He's learnin.” 

Before could reply, not that I wanted to, we were pulling over again. 

“Alright ladies, got a plan. Think we should go towards Atlanta.”

“Atlanta?” I questioned. 

“Yes, Atlanta.” 

“Why there?” Daryl asked as he pulled out a cigarette to light up.

“Government. Probably has more of a control so it'd be safer. Even if it doesn't, won't hurt to try. Where else are we gonna go?” 

“I was thinking about going to find my parents. Make sure they're alright. I'm not asking or expect you to come with, so you guys can keep on towards Atlanta, but I need to make sure they are okay.” I had been thinking about it since we found out, but recently made the decision about 2 hours ago. 

“Uh uh. Hell no. You stay with us. Look, we don't know what's going to happen or what is hapennin for that matter, but once we get a phone or some shit running you can give em a call. I'm sure they're fine.” Merle wasn't giving me an option but I was going to back down that easily. 

“Merle, don't fight me on this.” 

“I'll hog tie you and handcuff you to me if I gotta. You ain't goin. End of discussion. Let's go.” He turned around, threw his cigarette on the ground, and started up his bark before yelling “come on!” 

He wasn't going to budge and deep down I believed him. 

……..

We had been driving for hours, all through the night before we saw Atlanta in the distance. I had saw Atlanta once, and it looked nothing like it did right now. Smoke from fire in the distance and building were literally falling as we looked at it from afar. 

“So, Atlanta isn't going to work.” I said dryly. 

“Now what?” Daryl asked cracking his knuckles. 

“Quarry? Water, woods, safe haven. We went there once when you were a kid.” Merle suggested.

“ I remember. Alright.” 

That was that. We started back on the road until we were driving down to the quarry. We could see cars in the distance and…. People? 

We continued down until they stopped us with a gun pointed at us by a cop.

“Shane?” I muttered before stepping out.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I know it's been awhile. I worked 80 hours last week on top of trying to keep up with my classes. But, this is my last week at my job and I should have some time in between school to write. I've been missing writing, but I haven't had a second to spare.

He couldn’t hear me mutter his name in the car, nor do I think he saw my face at first. This is too soon for Shane to be pointing a gun at me again.

Merle stopped and so did we; side by side. He had recognized Merle’s face but he still had the gun pointed straight at him. Before we could step out of the truck Shane yelled

“Get out of the truck with your hands up!”

“Shane, it’s us.” I said hoping that would cool the situation. 

“____? What the hell are you guys doing here?” He said, his position not wavering.

“Why don’t ya point that gun somewhere else buddy. Ya know, not on my lady here.” Merle said coolly.

You could tell he was thinking hard about pointing right at Merle, but a skinny woman with long brown hair laid a light hand on the back of his shoulder with a low “Shane.”  
He moved his gun down finally and looked between us before his eyes landed on me, opting to not speak to Merle or Daryl.

“____, what happened why are you here?” Shane finally spoke.

“The dead people walking. Same thing that brought everyone else here.” I said with great annoyance. 

Daryl and Merle looked at me, and then at each other, before they looked back at Shane and Merle spoke.

“Heh, don’t mind her she had to put her friend down so she’s a little edgy at the moment. Keep trying to make her take sumthin to calm her down, but she’s stubborn.” He laughed, stepping forward.

“I know what she’s like.” Shane said a little too proudly.

“Can we stay here?” I asked.

“Why don’t you guy walk into camp with us?” Lori said giving Shane a look that said “Let them stay. They’ve been through a lot.” 

We followed them back to camp and they introduced us to the others; Glenn, Andrea, Amy, Carol, Sophia, Carl, Dale, Jim, Jaqui, Morales and his children.

“Can I talk to you, privately?” Shane asked more as a demand than a question.  
“I guess.” I just wanted to lay down, but I followed him anyway.

“Why did you bring them?” 

“Excuse me? What kind of question is that?” I may be confused about my relationship, but I’ll still get defensive over my boys. Regardless.

“They’re destructive. Rough. Going to fuck shit up. They can’t stay long.”

“Now I know you did not just tell me that you are going to kick them out. Because if you did, Shane, for the first time you and I are going to have a problem.”

“They’re no good. They’ll rob us blind and cause problems.”

 

“And you’re coming to this conclusion why?”

“_____, There are children here. We can’t have two redneck, junkie, racist pieces of shit here. The drugs alone is enough to kick him out.” 

 

He started to say something else but I cut him off as soon as he opened his mouth again.

“Alright, look here asshole. I’m not in the mood. You want to kick us out? Fine. But for the love of god let us get some sleep and we’ll be out of your hair tomorrow. But remember this, I am not on your side anymore. We cross paths again, I will not help you. You do not turn people out in a crisis. Mr. Sherriff.”

“I’m not kicking you out and we could negotiate Daryl, but Merle, he can’t stay here.”

“If he goes, I go and if we both go, Daryl goes. Thanks for the southern hospitality, Shane.”

I stomped off back to the group to find Merle and Daryl when Lori grabbed my arm lightly and asked “Is everything okay?” 

“Well, apparently we can’t stay here so I’m going to go inform them that we need to keep moving before it gets too dark.”

“Can’t stay? Shane?! No, nonsense, you three can stay let me talk to him.” Lori panicked.

“It’s not me or Daryl. He wants Merle gone and I’m not tossing him out. We stick together.”

“You three are staying. Shane,” Lori looked at him, “They are staying. Do you understand?”

“He’s a disease infested, racist, drug addict Lori. He’s not good for us.”  
“They. Are. Staying. I won’t say it again.” She threw right back at him.

“Get your things, set up a place to sleep. We’re working on dinner now.” Lori said flashing a smile at me. 

“Thank you.” I said sincerely. 

Merle and Daryl were at the truck talking about something serious when I left Lori to find them. 

“Well, thought you were done with us or somethin the way you been actin till now.” Merle said. I’m still not sure if he had anger in his blood or if he was sincere.

“We can take what we need now and get the rest in the morning. I’m too tired to carry everything.” Was my only response.

We all grabbed our things and made a tent on the other side of the camp. I was unpacking what we needed whe Merle came in and plopped himself next to me.

“You gonna explain what in the hell is wrong or ya gonna leave me thinkin I fucked up?”

I stopped what I was doing and paused to think of what I wanted to say, or even if I wanted to say anything.

“You didn’t fuck up.” Was all I could say before I went back to unpacking.

“The fuck is it then?” He said this a little more harsh than he meant to causing me to flinch.

“Shit. I didn’t mean ta-” 

I cut him off as I started to get up.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me back down causing me to stumbled and fall into his lap.

“You think I ain’t seen this before?”

“What?” I was confused by that question.

“Flinchin everytime I say somethin, won’t let me touch ya, won’t even look me in the damn eye.”

I didn’t have anything to say, but I just looked down.

“Mom use to do that everytime he hit her, or talked her down inta the ground.” 

“Merle.”

“Baby did I do somethin to ya? Cause I’ve been trying to think but nothin comes to mind. So either I blacked out or he said somethin.”

“It was something he said I guess. He wasn’t wrong and that’s the problem. He wasn’t off in the slightest, Merle.” 

After that I slipped out of his grip before he could say anything and walked out of the tent leaving him behind.

……..

A week, maybe a couple days more, had passed and not much had happened since that night. Merle wasn’t speaking to me, but I knew something was off with him. He was having outbursts and couldn’t calm down. Two things were wrong, I pushed him to a new limit, and he was using again. I don’t know where he got it, but I saw fresh needle marks on his arms. I was going to confront him that night. It was time to shake myself out of my funk and talk to him, work things out. I loved him and I wasn’t giving up. 

……..

“Atlanta?!” I questioned as Glenn stood before me.

“There’s stuff we need and it’s in Atlanta. It won’t take long. We’ll be back tonight.” Glenn assured me.

“No. Hell no. I saw Atlanta. It’s too dangerous.”

“We’re going.” Glenn insisted and paused before saying; “Daryl’s staying behind, going to try and go hunting. Merle’s going with us. We’ll be fine.”

I didn’t want Merle to go. I had this gut feeling. This terrible, terrible feeling. I had never been wrong about my instincts but they didn’t listen. 

Merle wouldn’t talk to me. Even though I followed and spoke to him as he packed things up.Not even a glance. I had royally fucked up. He had never been this pissed at me.

“If you insist on going, just please be careful. Watch all your surroundings. I have this feeling and I don’t like it. Please be safe.”

“Oh, now ya fuckin care.” he spat out at me and walked straight on past. 

“Yer pissed, but you know she ain’t ever been wrong.” Daryl said to his brother that was glaring at him.

“Don’t fuckin care.” Merle said nonchalantly, but somehow laced with anger.

The anger was part of the drugs. He was able to control it when he was sober, but the second he took something, the anger was practically dripping from his pores. That’s how I always knew he was using again. 

They finished getting everything together and drove away towards Atlanta. Leaving me standing, watching, with a deadpan face. I don’t know where I was, but my mind was not there until Daryl started waving his hand in my face saying “_____, you there?”

“Shit. Sorry. Zoned out.”

“No shit.” He paused, “He’ll come around. Quit worryin.”

I wanted to believe that. Badly. But I couldn’t. I had fucked up big time.

……..

“Atlanta isn’t bad. We’ll be safe. Nothing will happen. Don’t stress it. Everything is FINE!” I shouted at Glenn. I was pissed. You know the kind of angry that makes you cry? That was me and it was taking everything in me not to cry and hit someone.

“_____, calm down. Please. It was an accident.” Glenn insisted.

“Accident? A fucking accident? You handcuffed him to a pipe and left him on a goddamn, motherfucking roof!! Accidents are spilling juice on the floor because you tripped over the cat. That was intentional!” The tears were right at the edge as I was yelling.

T-Dog was pleading that it was his fault, that he dropped the key, but not I nor Daryl gave a shit. They still left Merle on the roof and now he was probably dead.

“We’re goin back.” Daryl pressured. 

“Not tonight we’re not.” Said Rick, who turned out to be Lori’s husband and Carl’s father. 

I had met Rick one time with Victoria and he seemed to be a nice guy, I never thought he would do something like this.

“He was acting crazy. I didn’t have a choice. I promise you, he’s on the roof, we’ll go back for him in the morning. I’m sorry.” Rick sounded sincere, but I didn’t care.  
My tears were hot streaming down my face as I ran off.

“Crack a dawn!” Daryl yelled as he followed after me.

“I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Daryl.” I sobbed in our tent.

“We’re gonna get him back, _____, calm down.” He tried his best to soothe me.

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Daryl laid outside until the sun started to come up. He had the group ready to go before the sun was fully up.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back bitches! Sorry, that was inappropriate. D: My bad. But anyway, I am back and the writing juices are flowing. God damn it felt so good to write this. I ain't done yet y'all. Keep hanging in with me cause you're in for a wild ride. *kisses*

“Daryl please. I can’t just sit here twiddling my thumbs.” I begged.

“____, you need ta stay here. It’s not safe there. Lori said she nedded yer help didn’t she? Ya won’t be twiddlin yer thumbs.” Daryl said cleaning off one of his arrows. 

“Daryl.” I spoke softly with worry breaking loose from my eyes. 

“We’ll bring him back in no time. In n out, alright?” 

I wanted to beg more, but tears were at the edge of falling and Lori put her hand on my back stopping me.

“They’ll be alright. Rick and Glenn are good at this. Besides, I need you here to help.”

“Please, god, be safe Daryl.” I said forcing him into a hug.

“What? Nothing for us?” Glenn joked.

I wanted to make a smartass remark, but I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t sleep for a second the night before. I was sick with worry. Literally sick. Daryl caught me once outside the tent vomiting into the brown grass asking if I was okay, but all I could do was cry. 

……..

Lori, Carol, Andrea, and Amy were all trying their hardest to make me laugh while we did laundry, but all efforts failed. I couldn’t explain the feeling in me. Every ounce of me hoped they would come back with him, but every bit of intuition knew they wouldn’t. 

It was late in the evening, the sky had turned dark and I was still sitting there waiting for them to show up. 

……..

It had all happened so fast. One minute I was getting sick, then I heard a scream, and then I was stabbing walkers in the head while trying to get the kids to a safe place. 

Andrea was laying over Amy, emotionless. No words, no tears, nothing. She was gone, but Andrea wouldn’t let anyone take her. She was waiting. 

I noticed he wasn’t there. I shut down the second I saw Daryl’s eyes look straight at me. I sat down on the ground in what was either Walker, or someone else’s blood. I didn’t care. 

Rick and Daryl came over to me and explained it all. The hand, the blood, the group of people, Merle apparently stealing the van. They thought he had come back here. He didn’t. 

Glenn stayed back with Dale. T-Dog tried to apologize a thousand times more. I was sick, either from hurt or guilt, and I couldn’t focus. There came the liquid from stomach up and out of my mouth and onto the ground. Carol started rubbing my back while I continued to get lean over and heave. 

I couldn’t cry. I just lyed on the ground until sleep and exhaustion took me. 

……..

“We need to go. It isn’t safe anymore. We’re in danger. The kids are in danger.” Rick put a lot of emphasis on the “kids” part in hopes to persuade the people a little more. 

I sat from afar, but listened as they talked and until it was decided. We were leaving. To the CDC apparently. Rick believed it was a safe place and that we could make it a haven until things “got better.” 

……..

The nausea was overwhelming the day we left. Who knew emotion could pay such a toll on your body?

I was in the truck with Daryl fiddling with fingers and looking ahead at the road when I was pulled out of my daze with a rancid smell of the dead. 

Up it came and out the window it went. Daryl looked over at me with a look that I knew too well. 

“What? You got something to say?” I snapped.

“If yer gonna get shitty, nah.” He cowered back and adjusted his hands on the wheel.

“No, please, go ahead.” I gestured with my hand, though my words came out slightly nicer than before. 

“Ya just been sick a lot lately.” He said, carefully choosing his words before he spoke. 

“Yep. Ever heard the saying “Sick we emotion?” I said lightly, yet matter of fact. 

I could see the gears turning in Daryl’s head. He was thinking of how to say what he was thinking without pissing me off. He knew my temper was short and not to be messed with at the moment. 

“Quit thinking so much and spit it out. You’re making me nervous.” I finally jutted out after what felt like an eternity of silence. 

“It’s...just...uh.”

I looked at him with a confused face and a raised eyebrow.

“Ya been sick...smells er gettin to ya...tired…” He looked at me as if I should know exactly what he was talking about. 

“I’m not following sweetheart.” I really wasn’t. My brain couldn’t wrap around his beating around the bush.

“Ever think ya might be pregnant?” He started chewing on his finger. I hated that nervou habit, but I understood why he did it. 

“PREGNANT?!” I let out a struggled, but sincere laugh. “You’re kidding right?”

I got no repsonse. He just kept looking ahead. 

“How could I even be pregnant?” He looked at me with a look of straight confusion. 

“I mean, I know how, but really. Pregnant? No. Definitely not. You’ve done lost it Dixon.”

I couldn’t quit giggling. Pregnant. HA! Yeah right. Merle was sterile as sterile could get. Plus, I was on birth control before all of this. I mean, I had just come off of it, but still. HIGHLY unlikely. 

“I needed that laugh Daryl. Thank you. You just brought me back to life a little.” 

“Really think ya should make sure yer not.” He said it so quietly I could barely make out what he said. 

“Why? I know I’m not. Your brother couldn’t have gotten me pregnant even if he wanted to. Which he wouldn’t. He made that very clear a few months ago. You remember that? He yelled at me for two hours because Victoria’s sister brought her baby over and I said she was precious after holding for all of 5 minutes. Kept yelling “I ain’t EVER knockin you up. You or any other bitch. Ya understand? Don’t like it? Theres the door sugar tits.” God that was awful.”

“Not the point.” Was all I got as a response. 

“Fine. I’ll humour you. Next convenient store we stop near I’ll get a test and take it so you’ll shut the hell up.”

……..

Apparently I fell asleep for the next portion of the ride because I woke up to Daryl shaking me awake. 

Rick had pulled over and was splaying a map across the hood of a car. He explained where we were, where we were going, and what route he thought was best. We all were in agreement, mostly because we were clueless but trusted his judgement. 

Daryl nudged me And half pointed to a convenient store just up the road. I took the hint. 

“Hey, can we stop at that store up there? It doesn’t look like there are any chompers around it.” I asked Rick.

He looked around a bit, unsure if it was a good idea. 

“I could use some caffeine if it hasn’t been looted.” Andrea mentioned. 

“Alright. Just a few of us, though. Don’t wanna draw too much attention. We’re in and we’re out, okay?” Rick ordered. 

That we were. In and out. There were only a couple of those shitheads lurking around inside, easy peasy kills. I walked by the shelf where the pregnancy tests were at and sneakily shoved one in the back of my pants and pulled my shirt over it. 

We got back in our cars and onward we went. 

I pulled out the test and waved it at Daryl before shoving it in my bag. 

“I’ll take it later when we stop somewhere. Unless you want me to pee in here.” I smirked. He only rolled his eyes back at me. 

“You want me to drive at all?” I asked sincerely. He looked tired.

“Nah, you rest. Ya ain’t slept much.” 

“Neither have you.” I taunted. 

“You need it more. You’re sleeping for two.” He was proud of that remark. I could see it plastered on his face. 

“The saying is ‘eating for two’ not sleeping, dumbass. Also, shut up; no I’m not.” I was a little irritable with that last comment but I played it off. Next thing I knew I was out like a light. 

…….

We finally made it. It was a hassle to get in, but the gentleman inside the CDC let us in. He treated us to a “nice” dinner, and wine. Ahhh, sweet, beautiful wine. I needed that drink so bad. And drink I did. We all laughed and talked and pretended nothing was wrong for just a little while.

After I drank enough that I damn near busted my butt from dizziness trying to stand up I decided it was time to retire to bed. Daryl followed shortly behind and as soon as I stepped out of the shower and was barely dressed he was knocking on my door. I slipped my shirt on and in he walked. 

“Can I help you?” I asked playfully standing in the middle of my room.

“So?” He leaned against the wall, once again biting his fingers. 

“Huh? Oh! Jesus, Daryl you are insistent.”

“You said ya were gonna do it twice now and never did. So go on.” He gets so ballsy when he drinks. 

“Fine. I’m going.” I said as I snatched the test out of my bag. 

I pissed on it and looked down to see one faint pink line come across quickly and shook my head in a snotty way.

“HA! Not pregnant! Told ya, you goon!” I shouted as I through the test at him. 

“Box says you gotta wait three minutes.” He threw the box at me. 

“If it comes across that quick then it means you’re not. This isn’t my first rodeo with a pregnancy test, cowboy.” 

“Then ya been doin it wrong.” 

“Excuse me, Mr. Sass, can you tell me where Daryl has gone?” My voice was flooded with sarcasm.  
“_____.” He said my name but I wasn’t looking. 

“That sounds more like Daryl. Thank you.” I laughed as I looked up at him. “What?” 

Concern with a hint of disbelief was on his face looking down. “Don’t two lines mean pregnant?”

He raised up the test handing it to me. I took fast strides across the room before snatching it from his hand immediately noticing the two, very bright pink lines.

“Holy fuck.” I muttered as I looked at him. “Where’s the box? Maybe this one is different.” 

I dropped the test on the floor and grabbed the box off my bed. 

“_____, I don’t thi-” I cut him off before he could finish. 

“No. No. It’s wrong. There’s no way. I can’t be. Daryl. I can-...I ca-” I was panicking. Tears forcing their way through. 

He didn’t know what to say; just as shocked as I was. This was a joke. It wasn’t suppose to come up like that. 

“He’s dead and now I’m suppose to have his baby? As if this shit world wasn’t bad enough? I can’t. I cannot have a baby.” I was yelling and crying. 

“He ain’t dead.” was his only response.

“Well he isn’t here and he didn’t come back!” Anger flowing through me I could feel my entire body heating up. 

“If he isn’t dead why didn’t he come back?! He left me here, pregnant and alone!” I hadn’t let it out until now, but it had been eating at me. 

Thinking of him as dead was a lot easier than admitting that he was alive and didn’t come back for us. For me. It was a lot more simple than to realize that he didn’t love me anymore. 

It was less soul breaking to think of him as dead than to realize that he left and everything his father said was right.


	21. Chapter 21

Talk about a whirlwind of shit. The CDC ended in chaos and we lost Jaqui. Hell, we almost lost Andrea and then Dale. I can’t say I didn’t consider staying myself. Going up in an explosion seemed like a better plan, but Daryl yanking my arm and dragging me out didn’t give me too many options. 

 

We lost Sophia too. Daryl continued to search for her, we all did, but he took it to an extra level. We found her as a walker. Rick killed her. Carl got shot. Hershel, the owner of the farm we are staying at is a Dr. or a vet, but as good as a doctor can get out here. T-dog almost died from a blood infection; thank god for Daryl having Merle’s stash of medications and antibiotics. 

 

When Daryl isn’t being mopey he tells me that everything is “okay” and that having this baby isn’t a bad thing. I’m still in disbelief, but the tell-tale symptoms are making it a reality. 

 

Glenn has a crush on Maggie, one of Hershel’s daughters. Hershel’s other daughter, Beth, wants to kill herself. Oh, and did I mention Lori is pregnant too? It’s great. Fucking great. 

 

……..

 

“You ever gonna quit moping about being pregnant? You should be happy. It’s a blessing.” Carol lectured me for the millionth time. 

 

“A blessing?” I chuckled. “More like a burd-” I was cut off by Carol yelling

 

“Don’t you dare say that baby is a burden. How could you?”

 

“I didn’t want it, Carol. It has no father. I have to raise it in a world like this. Why on earth would or should I be happy about that?” 

 

“First of all, stop calling your baby an it. Two, so what? Merle not being here does not mean you can’t be a good mother out here. You and both know that Daryl will most likely step up to the plate.”

 

“I don’t want to have to do that, Carol. Why give him the responsibility of something that isn’t his fault?” I argued.

 

“You are what, three or four months pregnant? Or about that? You have six months to figure this out. A lot could change by then. And no, of course if he doesn’t want to he doesn’t have to, but if he is willing to step and be the father figure of this child, let him, ____. Take the help people are gladly willing to give you.” 

 

She had a point, but I was too deep into my own misery to see it. Plus, Daryl hardly spoke to me anymore so who says he’s going to want to help me raise a kid?

 

……..

 

“How are you feeling?” Hershel asked me as he pressed around on my belly.

 

“Like I’m pregnant.” I said monotone.

 

“Any issues that I need to know about?” He looked up at me as if he knew I should be telling him something.

 

“Nope.” I wasn’t biting the bait he gave me. 

 

“Are you sure? Daryl and Carol said you were experiencing some cramping.” He sat back with a stern look.

 

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”

 

“They acted like it was something.” He paused. “You need to take care of yourself. No more heavy physical activity. It could be dangerous with your increased amount of cramping. Understood?” He lectured me.

 

“No jumping off the buildings or cage fighting the walkers. Got it.” This smartmouth is going to get me in trouble one of these days. 

 

……..

 

“You think it’s gonna be a girl or a boy?” Carl questioned.

 

“I dunno. My intuition hasn’t kicked in yet. You wanna know a trick to finding out?” I smiled.

 

“How? We don’t have any of those machines.” He looked up at me. 

 

I took my favorite lucky necklace off and began to explain to Carl

 

“Well, an old trick is you take a piece of your jewelry, like a ring, a bracelet, or a necklace and you wrap a piece of your hair around it.” I pulled a piece of my hair out and looped it around the necklace.

 

“Then what?” Carl asked intrigued.

 

“I need your assistance okay?”  
“Okay.” He came over to me.

 

“I’m going to lay down and you’re going to hold the necklace by the piece of hair over my stomach. You have to hold it steady, though.”

 

I layed down it he came to sit by my side. 

 

“Okay, not take the necklace and touch it to my stomach right here.” I pointed to lower part of my abdomen. “Now that it’s steady bring it up and continue to hold it like that WITHOUT moving your hand or wrist, okay?”

 

He did just as I told and the necklace started moving ever so slightly attempting to figure out what direction to swing.

 

Carl’s eyes were bright with curiousity and we both were watching the necklace move intently.  
The necklace began moving from side to side and didn’t slow.

 

“What does it mean?!” Carl asked enthusiastically.

 

“Well, according to the trick if it moves from side to side it’s a girl and if it moves in circles it’s a boy.”

 

“Sooo, it’s a girl?!” Carl looked at me.

 

“According to the necklace.”

 

Lori walked over just as I sat up.

 

“Mom! She’s having a girl! We have to do you next!” Carl cheered to his mother.

 

“I forgot about that trick. We’ll do it later okay? Why don’t you go play?” Lori smiled at her son as he ran away.

 

“Getting a little more excited, are we?” Lori leaned against the tree.

 

“Trying to. It’s hard.” I looked down as I spoke. 

 

“I know you miss him. And I know it makes it even more difficult to forget now that you’re having his baby.” 

 

“I feel guilty. About everything.” 

 

Lori walked over to sit next to me.  
“You can’t let that eat at you. He had every chance to fix things. He left.” She said.

 

“So did I. He tried multiple times and I kept shutting him out. I know he left, but maybe he wouldn’t have if he had something to come back to.” 

 

“No. He did have something to come back to and he didn’t. If not you, his brother. You cannot blame yourself for the bad decisions he made. Yeah, maybe you could have opened up more, but that is not an excuse for the way he acted or the way he left.” She rubbed my hand as she spoke.

 

“I guess.”

 

“You are going to love that baby when it’s born, trust me. Give it time.” She said as she began to get up. “Now, I’m going to find my son.” She half smiled. 

 

“Thanks, Lori.” I layed back and rubbed my stomach, drinking in the little bit of sunlight. 

 

……..

 

“Shouldn’t ya be showin by now?” Daryl asked as he looked down at my belly.

 

“I’m barely three months. It’s not until after three months that you start showing, some people not until later than that.” I replied and rubbed my hand over belly.

 

“Hm.” Daryl grunted. 

 

“Calm down. Before you know it I won’t be able to see my feet or bend over to pick something up. And then you’ll have to do it for me.” I taunted ad stuck my tongue out at him.

 

“ I ain’t yer slave.” he joked.

 

……..

 

“I-I-shit-I love you.” He said as he pulled his head up from the crook of my neck.

 

I ran my hands up his chest and around his back to cup his shoulder and pull him closer as he lay over top of me. 

 

“I love you too.” I murmured as our lips press softly together.

 

He leaned his head back down into my neck kissing and nibbling just enough to send shiver up my spine and make my thighs squeeze again his waist. 

 

He knew just how to work every inch of my body. He could make me weak with just one action. Finding new ways to make me shake was his hobby and he never failed at it. By the time he was finished with me I was shivering, breathless, and forgot how to speak full and sentences.

 

“Fuck princess, that was good.” He paused to lift himself off of me and roll over. “I gotta piss, though.” 

 

I laid there waiting for him to come back so I could snuggle into him and fall asleep peacefully, but minutes went by and he still wasn’t back. 

 

“Love?” No answer. “You okay?” Still, no answer. 

 

I rose to my feet and slipped on his button up over my shoulders, not worrying to button any of it, as I walked towards the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom.

I knocked; nothing. Worry setting in I turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly, receiving nothing as a response.

 

“Merle!” I screamed running over to him slunked down against the bathtub with the syringe still hanging out of his arm and his head rolled forward.

 

“Baby! Wake up!” I yelled again slapping his face a little trying to wake him up.

 

“DARYL! HELP! HELP!” I cried as he finally came rushing in. “Call 9-1-1! He’s gone. It’s bad this time.”

 

Sometimes Merle would overdose but we could snap him out of it, sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. He had overdosed so many times in his life that if it was little he could snap out of it enough for us to nurse him back if we were careful. This was not one of those times. 

 

The operator told us not to remove the needle, to let the paramedics handle it when they got there so we did as we were told and left it. Shortly the medics came rushing in and within seconds I heard “No pulse.” 

 

My heart fell in my stomach and formed a knot. They tried their hardest, but within minutes, they pronounced him dead.

 

Tears were streaming hot down my face and falling to the ground as fast as a new one could form and I was begging them “No, no. He can’t. You have to do something! Please!” but I knew that was it. He was gone. He told me he loved me and then he was gone. Just like that. 

 

……..

 

I found myself sobbing in a pool of my own tears as Daryl jerked me awake.

 

“_____, wake up. Hey, hey. You good?”

 

I looked around and at Daryl’s face confused until I finally realized that I was just dreaming. I knew I was awake but I could feel the pain just the same and I was breathing just as heavy.

 

“You were yellin in yer sleep for Merle and then me. Ya grabbed me so hard ya damn near tore ma arm off.” Daryl said staring at my puffy eyes.

 

“He died. He said I-l-lo-love you and then-and-and-and he d-died.” I stuttered out in between sobs.

 

“Hey, it was just a dream. Stop cryin.” He wiped the tears from my eyes and laid a hand on my thigh.

 

“I miss him so bad. I fucked up and pushed him so far that he starting using again and thought that I didn’t love him and I didn’t get to say I was sorry before he left. I drove him to leaving and now I’ll never see him again. I fucked up so bad and I have to have his baby and know that I’m the reason it’s father isn’t here.” I started sobbing yet again.

 

“_____” Daryl pulled me into a hug.

 

As I sobbed on his shoulder he kept ahold of me and spoke “It ain’t yer fault he starting usin, or left, er nothing okay? That was him. He’s a piece a shit like that sometimes.” He halted his words and I pulled away.

 

“I know ya miss him.”

 

I laid down and curled into myself facing away from Daryl continuing to cry on my own.

 

……..

 

The nightmares just kept on coming; each one a little worse than the last in their own way. They ranged from him killing himself to me killing him to him hating our child to him getting killed and so on so on. Every night I either woke myself or woke up to Daryl shaking me and I wondered if it would ever stop.

 

So far, the nightmares hadn’t stopped and the real life terrors kept coming full force.

 

Dale got bit by a walker and Daryl had to put a bullet in him.

 

Shane and Rick got into it causing Rick to kill him and Carl came behind and put a bullet through walker Shane’s head.

 

Daryl got close to Beth. Maggie and Glenn are together. Andrea distanced herself and so did I. 

 

I felt lost, alone, and like a burden so when things went wrong, I kept it to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm trying to decide how I want to go with a certain part of this story. I have two ideas and I'm leaning more towards one of them, but am considering doing an alternate if anyone were interested?


	22. Him (Chapter Twenty-Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sucky chapter and I know it. I've been battling it for like 2 weeks now and this is the best I could come up with. It's basically just a filler chapter that I had to add, but it's pretty damn boring so I apologize now. The next chapter will be MUCH better I promise. I'm already rocking and rolling on it. <3

The pain was sharp and soul crushing. I knew from the first cramp what this was. 

 

And then the blood came...and came...and came. I thought it would never end.

 

I sat perched on the toilet in the house while the blood drained from me and i held my stomach riddled with excruciating pain. 

 

I finally got the courage to get up and return outside, but when I did, the place was in ruins. Walkers swarmed the place and everyone was running. 

My first thoughts were, “Damn that house is sound proof” followed by “FUCK.”

 

I ran searching for someone, anyone really, when I finally caught up to Lori and we got off into cars. We all met up on the freeway where we originally were before Hershel’s farm.

 

…….

 

“Haven’t said much since we left.” Daryl mumbled as he sat himself down next to me.

 

We had drove until we ran out of gas and we settled in that spot. It was cold, winter was just a couple of days away. 

 

“What is there to say?” I finally replied. 

 

“Ya look sick.” 

 

“Thanks, Daryl. How sweet of you to notice.” My tone was sour enough to scare off anyone… Anyone but Daryl.

 

“Ya don’t sound sick. What’s going on.”

 

At sat in silence, debating if I should tell him the truth or not. 

 

“I lost the baby.” I figured he would find out eventually, might as well be now.

 

Daryl looked at me with pain and sorrow.

 

“How’d it happen?” A response finally leaving his lips.

 

“Not really sure. I’ve had problems since the beginning, you know that. It just kind of happened. I knew it the second I felt the pain.”

 

“Why didn’t ya tell me?” I sensed a bit of anger in his voice.  
“A lot of shit has happened, Daryl. I didn’t know how to bring it up, or if I even wanted to. I didn’t know how you would react or feel. Hell, I don’t know how I feel.”

 

“Relieved?” He spat.

 

“What?” I paused, anger filling my veins. “Relieved? You think I’m happy I lost the her? I feel like shit. I was finally starting to be happy. The moment I felt joy it got ripped from me and you think I’m relieved? Maybe if you took two seconds to talk to me recently you would know that this is upsetting.” 

 

“Her?”

 

“What?” I questioned

 

“You said you lost “her.” It was a girl?”

 

“Shit, I don’t know. It was something Carl and I did, an old wise tale, witchy thing that tells you the sex of your baby. It’s nothing set in stone. Just a trick. But it seemed right. I felt like it was girl.” I was rambling, trying not to cry.

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

I couldn’t tell if he was sincere or not, so my only response was “Yeah.” as I turned away from him.

 

I could feel him blaming me. Like I did something or didn’t take this pregnancy seriously enough causing myself to lose the baby. In reality, the pregnancy wasn’t right from the beginning. There was nothing I could have done to stay healthy, but I would hold this over myself for awhile, and his judgement was the last thing I needed. 

 

……..

 

It was a long winter, but we made it.

 

Daryl and Rick found a prison that we are now calling home. 

 

Beth sang as we spent our first night in the yard of the prison. The next day we cleared what we could.

 

……..

 

In the mean time, we found three people, prisoners, two of which died; Andrew and Big Tiny. Axel, the third prisoner, remained alive.  
A herd of Walkers made their way in and we had to fight them off. T-dog was bitten and Lori had the baby, Judith, a beautiful little girl. Lori passed during the cesarean and was shot by her own son, Carl. 

 

Daryl found Carol’s headband and assumed she had also died. But we soon found out she was still alive.

 

I had taken on the main role of caring for Judith. This filled my void and broke my heart all at once, but I was thankful to stay busy.

 

……..

 

Weeks had passed but the events just kept coming. 

 

We met a woman, named Michonne, that brought us formula and informed us that Maggie and Glenn had been captured by a man from Woodbury. 

 

“I’m going with you.” I insisted as Rick informed me that they were going to find Glenn and Maggie.

 

“No, you need to stay here.” Rick said harshly.

 

“They are my family too, I should be going with you not sitting here on my ass.”

 

“Judith needs you.” Beth decided to chime in, not helping.

 

“Stay here and take care of my little girl.” Rick said more softly than before. 

 

“Daryl? Care to help me?” I looked over to him.

 

“You should stay here, ____.” He gave into Rick’s wishes.

 

I said nothing in return, but instead turned on my heel and went to feed Judith. 

 

……..

 

“Just you and me huh?” I said to Judith as if she could understand me clearly.

 

She looked up at me with tender eyes while suckling on her bottle.

 

“You look good like that.” Carol said to me as she walked into my cell.

 

“What?” I chuckled.  
“With a baby in your arms. She really likes you.” Carol smiled and leaned in the doorway. 

 

“Yeah, I enjoy it a little I guess.” 

 

Judith grunted and closed her eyes as I pulled the empty bottle from her lips. 

 

“Come help me when you’re finished?” Carol asked.

 

“Sure! Just let me get her to sleep. It shouldn’t take long, she’s really sleepy.”

 

Carol nodded and walked out as I rocked Judith to a sweet slumber.

 

……..

 

Carl introduced us to the people that had shown up in the prison, and we decided that it was Rick’s call.

 

……..

 

Rick, Glenn and Maggie came back to the prison as I was helping Carol in the kitchen.

 

“Hey, do me a favor and don’t tell her. Not yet.” I heard Rick say as they walked in.

 

“Tell who what?” I questioned? Hugging both Glenn and Maggie as they came in the kitchen.

 

“Nothing.” Rick said. 

 

“Where’s Daryl?” Carol asked, beating me to the question. 

 

“He’s angry about something, he’ll be back later.” Rick said suspiciously. 

 

“Oooo-kay?” I stumbled out. 

 

Rick had an outburst upon meeting the group of people, and they rushed out of the prison, attempting to get as far away from him as possible. 

 

……..

 

“Ain’t got much to say huh?” Merle said to Daryl as they walked on.

 

“Tryin to think of what to say.” Daryl replied to his older brother. 

 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Merle, defensive as always.  
“You left. We came back for you, but ya left. A lot happened.” Daryl stumbled a little, trying not to give too much away at once.

 

“Like fucking what? Can’t be much more than what happened to me.”

 

“You hear that?” Daryl paused. 

 

“Yeah, wild animals gettin wild.” Merle smirked at his brother.

 

“No, that’s a baby.” 

 

“Oh come on, why don't you just piss in my ear and tell me it's raining.”

 

It was a baby. They found a group of people being terrorized by walkers and Daryl saved them. Merle tried to loot the car but Daryl held his bow at him before they got into a fight and Daryl decided to go back to the group. 

 

……..

 

I was tending to Judith inside the prison when it happened.


	23. Him (Chapter Twenty-Three)

I spun around when I heard people busting through the doors. “What’s happennn-ing hhhhh” My voice dropped off and I damn near dropped Judith on the floor when I saw his face. 

“______!” Carol yelled at me.

I quickly gripped onto Judith and laid her in her makeshift crib and bolted downstairs.

“What happened?!” I yelled again.

“The governor.” Maggie exclaimed.

“Daryl?” I pulled him into a hug all the while keeping an eye on his brother who barely even noticed I was standing there.

Was I seeing things? Why wasn’t he acknowledging me? Why wasn’t anyone saying anything? Why did no one tell me?

……..

The group told me what happened and that Axel had passed. No one mentioning a damn thing about Merle. Maybe I was crazy? When did I lose it, how long ago did my mind go? 

Everything has settled down and I was up in my cell with Judith when Daryl walked by. 

“Hey! Daryl!” I jumped up, whisper-yelling at him”

“You okay?” He asked walking back towards me. 

“Come here please.”

“What’s wrong?” He asked concerned this time.

“At what point did I completely lose my mind?”

“Uhm, right after you were born I think?” He joked.

“Seriously.” I looked at him straight on. 

“You think you’re crazy? Why?”

“Because apparently I’m seeing people that aren’t here.” I continued rocking Judith.

“Who ya seeing?”   
“Merle. I swear to god I saw him when you guys walked in but-” Darl cut me off before I could finish.

“You ain’t crazy. Merle’s here. He was at Woodbury.”

“Um, then why the hell did no one say anything and he didn’t even acknowledge me? Does he hate me that much?”

“Don’t think he knows what to say. He didn’t mention you when we were out in the woods. That’s where I was by the way. Assumin they didn’t tell ya. They weren’t gonna let Merle come back cause he’s the one that took Glenn and Maggie.”

“Holy shit.” I was dumbfounded.

“He’s in the cell down there. That’s where I was headed.”

I looked up at him. “Should I leave him be, or?”

“Think you should go talk to him.”

“What in the hell do I even say?”

“You always been good with words.” Daryl said as he walked out and went towards the stairs.

……..

I laid Judith down in her “crib” and walked down the upstairs hall towards Merle’s cell.

I made it halfway down the hall and then stopped to turn around, but forced myself to continue on. 

I reached his cell and stood in the doorway, but he didn’t even know I was there. 

I knocked on the bar with a barely audible “Hey.”

“Shit, you still fucking sneakin up on people?” He said startled and turned his head up at me.

“Sorry.” I looked down. “Can I come in?”

He raised his eyebrows up at me. “I ain’t gonna tell ya no.”

“But you’re not saying yes.”

“Just fucking come in.” 

I walk just in the doorway, but not much beyond that. 

“I ain’t gonna bite ya.” He said breaking the silence. 

“I never know, you’re pretty unpredictable sometimes.”

“Would never dream of hurtin you sweet thing.” He half smiled.

“May never dream of it, but you did.” 

“Well damn, we jumpin straight inta that huh?” He got up off of the bed and leaned against the frame.

“I don’t beat around the bush. You know this. Well, if you remember me anyways.”

“The fuck you mean by that? Remember ya” 

I didn’t respond.

“Look, I’m sorry.”

“For?” I questioned. 

“You know.”

“I do?” I wanted to hear him say it.

“Leavin and shit.”

“Oh? You mean it WAS intentional?” My face was stone cold; cold enough for even him to cowar. 

“Baby, I didn’t leave to hurt you or nothin. I just-”

“Just what? You just needed to get away? Just were sick of me? Just pissed at me? Just sick of my shit?” I wanted to cry. I was blaming him with words, but I kicking the shit out of myself on the inside.

“Oh, so it’s my fault, yeah?” He stood up straight, I done pissed him off. “You sure you wanna go there sweetheart? Because if I remember correctly , you’re the bitch that shut me out.”

“Name calling already? I forgot how much I missed that.”

 

“Changing the subject already? Forgot how you did that when you realized you fucked up.”

“I did fuck up. I pushed you out because of some bullshit that your father said to me and I took all the anger and sorrow out on you. I get it, okay? I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done that. But you know what YOU shouldn’t have done? YOU shouldn’t have fucking left you piece of shit.”

“What’d you want me to fuckin do, huh? Come back so you could hate me some more? Hate me for somethin I didn’t even fuckin do? You’re right sweetie, you did fuck up. That’s on you. You know where I fucked up? I fucked up thinkin you were someone I wanted ta be with.” 

Those last words cut me deep, but only fueled my anger more.

“You ass. I needed you! I was pregnant and I didn’t even know it! I needed you to be there and tell me it was okay and fight a little bit. I was overreacting and over emotional because I was carrying your child! And ya know what? Maybe if you would have stuck around I wouldn’t have sulked so much and would taken care of myself. And maybe if I took care of myself i wouldn’t have lost OUR baby!”

I knew everyone could hear us. Judith had started crying but someone grabbed her because she went silent. We didn’t give a shit. This is how we did things. We yell. I was never that person before him. I was always quiet and talked things out, but for some reason I could only get things through his thick skull by yelling. 

“You were pregnant?” He said and his shoulders instantly relaxed. 

“Yeah. I was. But I was dumb and I lost it.”

Merle opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out and he set his jaw instead. 

“I just don’t understand why, Merle. Why didn’t you come back?” My tone was soft and sincere.

“I was dying when they found me. Cut off my hand, was bleedin out. Wasn’t that I didn’t want to, just couldn’t.” He paused, “Figured you’d done be gone.”

“You were buddy buddy with that crazy piece of shit. You hurt Glenn.” 

“That ain’t me. I do what I’m told. Desperate times, desperate measures, right?” He replied.

“You’ve killed a lot of people haven’t you?”

“And you think I’ma monster.” He held up his arm, “Especially with this thing.” He laughed. 

“I don’t think you’re a monster. And if I did it wouldn’t be because you don’t have a hand, dumbass.” I smirked.

“I still love you.” I said walking towards him.

“Yeah?” He smiled, holding himself up taller and more proud.

“Yeah.” I slinked myself into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Missed you.” He said running his hand down my back and gripping my ass.

“Missed you too.” I said biting his neck.

He walked back until he sat himself on the bed and pulled me into his lap.

“We shouldn’t do this right now.” I said slightly moaning as he sucked on my neck.

“They don’t wanna see, they don’t gotta watch.” He said resting his hand under my shirt on the back of my hip.

I slipped his shirt off and ran my hands up his broad chest and pushing him onto his back. 

He damn near ripped my shirt off while I straddled his waist grinding down against him. Kissing his chest I felt him get hard against my clothed cunt. I was nipping at his neck when I slipped my hand between us and unbuttoned his pants. 

He started sucking on my nipple and kneading my ass before mumbling “Fuck I missed your tits and ass.” 

“I missed your dick.” 

 

He laughed I stood up to take my pants off.I lowered myself down and took his hard member into my hand getting back over him, but lower down this time so I could put him in my mouth. 

 

I started slowly bobbing my head up and down, being sure to take him all the way down with deep strokes.

I heard him breathe “Fucking shit.” before he pulled me up by my hair. 

“Gonna have to stop that shit or I’m gonna cum in yer mouth, princess.”

I giggled and lowered my hips down to his pelvis, taking him into a deep kiss before raising my hips and grabbing his cock in my palm to line him up with my entrance. 

He slid my hips down just enough to get the tip of his head in before slipping his tongue in my mouth. Just as I relaxed to his tongue re-familiarizing itself with my mouth he gave one hard thrust up into causing him to slide all the way into me until there was no more room for him to go. 

I moaned deep into his mouth and gripped onto his shoulders. 

“Fuck, Merle.” 

“You good?”

“Uh huh, just bigger than I remember.”

“Makes ya feel any better yer tighter than I remember.”

We both laughed breathlessly as I sped my hips up and down and in circular motions. I was trying so hard to make myself last as long as I could, but I could feel myself getting closer and closer to the edge of orgasm.

He started grunting in my ear and thrusting upward and the next thing I knew I was whispering in his ear “I’m cumming.” With that he took control of hips and himself; sitting up and pulling me flush against him. His thrusts were deep and hard and hitting in all of the right places. 

I came hard, crashing my head into the crook of his neck. My climax shaking me into a state of bliss. I couldn’t have formed a sentence no matter how hard I tried. 

With one last full stroke, pulling my whole body down against him, he came deep inside me. I could feel his cock throbbing the last few drops out into me. 

I rolled off of him and cuddled into his side.

“Fuck that was good.” He said

“Uh, huh.” Was all I could manage. 

He laughed and wrapped his arm around my back to keep me close. 

We laid there in silence, basking in the atmosphere of ourselves; forgetting where we were. 

“Glad you two made up quick.” Daryl said with a hint of disapproval, holding a crying Judith in the doorway. 

“Duked it out the old fashion way.” Merle laughed sitting up.

“Screaming at one another?” Daryl questioned.

“It’s what we do brother.” Merle responded.

I could see something was different. Daryl’s entire demeanor had changed, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. 

“You wanna stick around and watch or ya gonna walk yourself outta here?” Merle snapped, side eyeing his brother.

“Was just leavin.” Daryl darted his eyes at me as he finished those last words.

The look that came through his eyes told me that he wanted to talk and he was not okay with this. 

……..

“Hey.” I muttered softly leaning back against the wall.

Daryl turned around to see that it was me, only to turn back around to keep watch, or to ignore me. 

“Quiet tonight.” I said trying to gain some attention.

“M-hm.” was all I received in return. 

“I know things have been rough lately, and we haven’t been on the best of terms. The tension between us just continues to grow and I think that we should address that.” I crossed my arms at my chest.

“Don’t think you should do this.” He finally looked back at me. 

“Do what?” I asked softly.

“He ain’t good for you. He’s fine now, but that’s now. He’s gonna be different sooner than later.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. He’s been gone for so long and I finally have him back.”

Daryl nodded his head and turned himself back around.   
I unfolded my arms and let them fall to my side as I turned to walk away. I knew this conversation was over, but there were new unanswered questions now.   
Why was he so concerned all of a sudden?


	24. Him (Chapter Twenty-Four)

Why was I overthinking this so much? All I could hear were the few words Daryl spoke last night. All I could see was the concern in his face. What if he was right? What if Merle wasn’t good for me? And what if it was going to get bad soon? The emotional toll it took before was unbearable, so do I really want to put myself through that? He brought out a side of me I didn’t know existed. We couldn’t have a single conversation without it ending in an argument, which always led to screaming and fighting. What if the person I need is----

“Mornin’ sunshine.” 

I was broken out of my thoughts by Merle’s sleepy voice.

I turned around, as I had snuck out of bed minutes before, to look at him. 

“Morning.” I finally responded with a half smile. 

“The hell were you last night?” He already had a sour tone.

“Just needed some fresh air.”

“For six hours?” He sat up.

“It wasn’t six hours. I was gone for maybe two.”

“Don’t sound like fresh air ta me but what the fuck do I know.”

“What exactly are you implying? I stepped outside for some air and was talking to Daryl.”

“Ahhh, there it is.” He laughed in an ironic way.

“There what is?” I said annoyed.

“You think I can’t tell when somethin’s going on? Ya could at least not do it behind my motherfuckin back.”

“Are you actually accusing me of sleeping with Daryl, your brother?” 

“Don’t gotta accuse what I already know.” He stood up pulling his pants on. 

Before I could say anything he was opening his mouth to speak again.

“Don’t come to bed with me, don’t fuck me, nothin. Then you come back to tell me you was with Daryl. You two are awfully chummy together.”

“You’re sick, Merle.” The fact that I was able to keep my composure was amazing.

“What’s fuckin sick is you screwing my baby brother right after you sucked my dick the other night.”

“I’m not doing this. I’m not fighting. I fight enough with the things surrounding me. The last thing I want to do is deal with this bullshit.” I turned to walk away when a strong hand gripped around my upper arm.

“Let. Go. Of me.” I paused. “Now, Merle!” I yelled that last part a little loudly.

“What’s goin on?” Daryl said just before he walked into our cell. “Hey, let go of her!” 

“You want this, brother?” Merle said as he jerked harshly on my arm.  
“You can have the fuckin bitch. Take my seconds.” He shoved me hard enough that I lost my footing and stumbled into Daryl. 

People had gathered upstairs towards us at this point.

“Don’t shove her.” Daryl said as he stood me back up and started to walk towards his older brother.

“Daryl, no.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “It’s not worth it.”

He and Merle exchanged some telling looks before Daryl turned and escorted me out and down the stairs passed everyone except Carol who remained downstairs.

“Outside. Now.” Daryl voice was firm and deep.

I didn’t move. 

“I would suggest following him.” Carol said to me with concern.

……..

“This is exactly what I meant.” Very few times had I heard him raise his voice, but never at me. 

“I know.” I could feel the tears forming and trying not to fall from my eyes. 

“Stop pretendin he’s good for you!” 

I flinched and tears began to fall. “I know. I’m sorry.”

Before he could say anything else, we were interrupted by the arrival of a guest.

……..

I was happy to see her, but so disappointed in her ignorance. I had always hoped to see her again, but now I wish I hadn’t in a way. Andrea was blindsided by her love, or lust, for the governor. She could be our way to defeating him, just as Carol suggested, kill him in his sleep, but she’ll never go through with it. 

She barely asked how I was or anyone for that matter. She had changed, something was different. Maybe it was the brainwashing the governor had done to her, or maybe she was truly this stupid. Either way, this was not my friend Andrea and we had to continue fighting the governor our own way.

……..

“We gonna talk bout this?” I heard a raspy voice say from behind me while I was feeding judith in the kitchen.

“Nothing to talk about.” I didn’t even look back to him.

“That’s that then huh? You just gonna ditch me for him?” 

“I’m not ditching you for anyone. Besides, you’re the one who pushed me away, literally.”

“You are leavin though huh?”

“I didn’t say that. But I will say that I’m over this shit. I can’t handle the constant fighting.”

“Baby, you know I don’t wanna fight with you.”

“And I am not going to let you lay your hands on me.

“Sounds like you’re leavin.”

“Maybe we should just take some time to think about it before we dive back into this.”

“Ya are fucking him. Aren’t ya?”

“Merle. Stop.”

“That a yes?”

“No. Stop twisting my god damn words.”

“But ya wanna? Don’t ya?” He said slyly.

“Stop instigating.”

“Oooo-hoo, you fuckin do. Ya little whore.”

“What would you like me to say? Yes, I want to fuck your brother? Kick your ass to the curb and run off into the sunset with Daryl?”

All I received was a shrug and twist of his mouth.

“This is why I can’t do this anymore, Merle.I’m not going to constantly worry myself that you’re upset with me or thinking that I’m with Daryl. I’m not going to have us fighting daily and you hurting me, mentally or physically. I guess I am done.”

“Didn’t need your ass anyway. Fuck you bitch.”

I didn’t respond. I expected more out of him. More yelling, more name calling, more something. He was oddly calm.

Maybe this is what he wanted. Maybe he wanted me to tell him I didn’t want him. Maybe he didn’t care about me anymore. Maybe he knew our relationship was dead, if it hadn’t always been dead. Maybe I’ve been missing the big picture here...


End file.
